poetry critical

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Dedicated to May. My cloud.

A cloud touches
stony edges sharpened
by years of existence
as layers are added
with each brush stroke of
the rabid river pre-destined
by creation to leave
rocks on its shores.
So soft-
it melts with the
roughness to leave
snow caped slopes
for people to enjoy
and together they
form the perfect
We grew together;
my slopes steeper
by the day and
her- a mountain of
ice that blinds me
leaving no cave
It was inevitable;
I shuddered
one cold morning
and revealed
my scars....
too bad it was summer.

25 Jul 08

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cute; icy; nice image, an avalanche like a shudder, in summer, i love the last line.
 — nisetru

very nice.
: )
 — fractalcore

Thank you nisetru and fractalcore for your kindness. May your ice never melt. ( Meant in the best way best things were meant to be said)
 — Thirteen

very interesting...very cool
and the end line is perfect
 — JKWeb