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The bilingualist who preferred to ignore
unknown

And after breathless torrents of laughter
 1
you dress languidly and resume
 2
your walk towards bilingual islands
 3
all your right steps were wrong
 4
and the left ones more subdued hushed
 5
on your wilted trails
 6
i murmured shards of hints
 7
mouthed secret cues,
 8
shared ivies and balmy breaths
 9
(which you inferred for purple dust)
 10
I am a mere color now,
 11
a forgotten praise,
 12
a pile of brickbats your eyes cannot
 13
r a r n e
 14
e r a g
 15
 
 
so i let a drop of tear
 16
to inform you of my aeonian scent
 17
and your oblivious mind
 18
strayed it
 19
for a fucking raindrop.
 20

29 Jul 08

Rated 9.5 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 1, 10
Inactive (12): 1, 1, 7, 7, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

iiiiiiii




gracias  Lily
 — Liliana

clever but trite writing -- maybe depending too much on being smart sounding. the "and resume" kind of shows that you're over-writing for effect -- the way we all do sometimes, and it's not a crime -- but when you hump too many words in a poem phrase it turns that phrase into a prose phrase, and then it seems, somehow, that you have to complete the thought. the poem and how it's readable is the "thought" of a poem. if you fail at making the pointed statement it means you've simply failed at writing a poem: you can't depend on words of wisdom to make the reader mistake the "ingredients label" for the cookie.
 — joey

Trochee
you lift me to a tightrope as bilingualist or acrobat, a fresh word with a high-minded (or legged) perspective. Those torrents of laughter, as clean asmirror water. Let us lift our bottles of artesan-well water. The right steps being wrong
bang on-- like a Borges poem, a street built without another side. I enjoyed the imposed rearrangement, indulgent and playful. A drop is a drop, be it medicinal or rain. Eyewater? Witness disarray but don't lose your train ticket.

Love,
 — banditfemme

My biggest beef with this is punctuation. If you're going to use some, why not use it throughout? I also find this adjective ridden and they read as only filler words.
 — unknown

This is a great poem trochee. I really liked it, although I do have some questions.

"And after breathless torrents of laughter
you dress languidly and resume
your walk towards bilingual islands
all your right steps were wrong
and the left ones more subdued hushed
on your wilted trails"

In this first part, is it that the so called "you" laughed at the bilingualist and as he walked towards him started to feel uneasy because he suspected somehow that he might have understood him? The "dress languidly", "right steps were wrong" sounds like a judgement passed on him by the bilingualist and left ones subdued was him caving under the doubt of being understood. Although this first part could work either way for the bilinualist too who may be a foreigner and hence is judged harshly by those in the home country.

"i murmured shards of hints
mouthed secret cues,
shared ivies and balmy breaths
(which you inferred for purple dust)"

I get the sense that here the bilingualist is trying to telling tell the offender that he's been uncovered but is torn between revealing himself and remaining hidden. The "shared ivies and balmy breaths
which you inferred....."
Does this mean that the offender thought because of his high social statues and ivy league education it elevates him to royal prime status. Giving him the right to demolish. Or does it mean that the he tried to hint to them that he is highly educated and rich but they wouldn't change their opinions probably considering him an inferior but a highly educated inferior.

I could be 100 percent wrong. But just curious. Thanks alot and sorry for the trouble.
 — unknown

Troch!  Your writing gets better and better all the time, my brother.  This is absolutely gorgeous.  I love your "rearrangment" in L's 14 & 15.  The "F" bomb in L20 adds just the perfect zing.  Keep on, you awesome poet, you.  :-)
 — starr

“And after breathless torrents of laughter”
Hardly sits comfortably on the ear of the reader. Nor does the inclusion of two and’s in one sentence, if there is indeed a sentence the lack of puntutation fails to indicate where one is supposed to start and stop, lines 1 to 3.

Line four; if you were to be walking to wherever, .then seemingly your steps are wrong
Line six: surely you are presently only leaving one trail as you walk.

Lines 14 and 15: are certainly eye openers.

Line 16:”so i let a drop of tear” denies the use of “to” before inform.

The only question that remains is how did this get in the top rated?

Mor.
 — unknown

Hi lil mucho gusto.
joey thanks again.
love you banditfemme.
thanks unknown : ill work  on it

and thanks sweet "sherlock" unknown: you are reading too much into the poem. just take it at its face value.
thank you starr... yeaaaa

thanks Mor. welcome back.
appreciate the feedback.
just give it a 1 and konk it off from the top-rated. its easy. try it sometime.
 — trochee

It would be good... if you hadn't sworn.
 — Linnac

its not supposed to be "good"
it has to be real.
 — trochee

I generally really dislike swearing.  Just personal preference.  But in this poem it is not awful, and even kind of works.
 — propoet50

the writing is superb. it has your style, as seen in Draw Strings, but here that style seems more developed. i like this for many reasons. but for one, this seems like poetry to me, and as difficult as it might have been to write, doesn't seem to indicate struggle.
 — listen

nice lines 14 & 15, trochee.
: )
 — fractalcore

thank linnac.

fuck you unknown.

thanks propoet, it just came along.
thanks listen for the awesome comment.

dank you fractal.
 — trochee

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