poetry critical

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To a Former Boss . . . Joyce

Rusty, I know. It's been a while since my last poem and it's my first here. Just had to let this one out though. Hope you guys like it.

Rant and rave is all you do!
Think that people care 'bout you,
Think you're holy, pure and great?!
Not to this embodiment of hate!
Tried to get rid of me and failed.
Of to your dreamland you then sailed.
I took this chance to root and grow,
Now you see they wont let go.
Chattering 'bout me again?!
Look around you, you have no friends!
In your absence, they have seen
You're full of lies, you suck, you're mean!
It's true, you see, what they say:
"When the cat's away, the mice will play."
And man did they enjoy, it was euphoria!
Everyone happy to live with out ya.
You used to say I was a clown,
Look who's finally going down!
You used people for your gain
I let them see that, to your disdain.
So, hide behind your bastard daughter,
Your messed up life with the stupid father!
You think I'm done, but I want more!
You'll find peace . . . . .
Quote this raven . . . . "NEVERMORE".

30 Jul 08

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would this be a caroline??? if it is, u kno wat i mean! THIS TIS sam...
 — pumpkinfetch

i like this its good
 — pumpkinfetch

 — unknown

  and you found your place
  now she's a disgrace

  you found your maiden
  keep writing, raven!

  i've always been your fan..  :)


 — enkantada

this is hate aimed in the right direction
as a cathartic process.

well-writ with words that fit.
welcome to PC.
: )
 — fractalcore

It's poetry like this and the comments it received that really shows you up to be the manipulative evil I always thought you were.  Feeling nothing but pity, I'll pray for you.
 — unknown

dear unknown,

that's why you're in this site.
write a poem about whatever you feel
and feel free to do so.

all you got is rant in the comment section.
at least the author of this piece can be
creative albeit hateful.
: )
 — fractalcore

May the Lord have mercy on your soul.
 — unknown

feel the love, radiant one.
and speak by the virtue of it.
: )
 — fractalcore

'May the Lord have mercy on your soul.'

I imagine a catholic school over run by angry judgmental people that has decided to Save the  sex loving, word twisting, god ignoring souls of poetry sin-ical and helping us see the light. Apparently they've given up on you fc and they've dubbed you hopeless. Let's just pray they haven't gone into god's mind and seen what he really thinks of all of us cause I think they'll be ridiculously disappointed.
 — unknown

it's perfectly ok.

Gawd doesn't play favorite. what we become are what we
do for ourselves first and foremost.
: )
 — fractalcore

unknown, thanks for the prayers. but if you had a boss like her, you'd be damning her to hell as well. and I think that you should at least look at the poem from an artistic point of view. if you can't see that, maybe it's people like you who caused all those deaths before (zealots).

I respect your thoughts though. Something I think is good in God's eyes.
 — raveneffect

and, I don't hate without reason. if you're going to be all "love thy neighbor . . . " then it's up to you. 'Fascist' is such a strong word, I like it, but I don't hate everyone. just a select few who deserve it. :)) You mess with the bull, you're damned as hell to get the horns.
 — raveneffect

Yes, this must've been cathartic. But as poetry, it's just not that interesting I'm afraid.
It could be so much better if you actually move on to the specifics of what has made you feel so incensed with anger, providing us with something to empathize with or react agains. Otherwise it just sounds like invective.

I appreciate you were aiming to create rhyming couplets but these seem to have limited your expression. I could imagine this being performed though, which is maybe what you were aiming for?
 — smugzy