|D e l e t e d
as I sit on this-
restless and heavy skin.
My mind breathes and hungers
for your vivid image.
I will free myself from
your scent and shackles, miss.
You are my goddess no more.
Your lies and beauty,
overwhelms even TRUTH.
Denial takes form of a charging bull.
On these cheeks flow,
tears of my soul and my fare well.
Get the hell out!
30 Jul 08
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i'm comment hungry
thank you themolly :()
Don't like the last line;You could have used some more graceful words to make the point.
Line 10- it seems funny that those lull you. Wrong word to use I think.
I understand the overall point and I like what you've got.
thank you thirdeyris :)
"But his poetry can still be inspiring.
Poetry can not always be about the sweet, soft and sugar coated."
— thirdeyris & nbsp;[!]
if i were Isabelle5, i'd tell you to check your grammar in |10
where "lulls" should be "lull" and in |5 where "of" should be
"for" [or so i think] and |12 lacks "the" before "form" and in |13
where "From" should be "On".
maybe you should set your Universe on fire so she can
scram towards the emergency exit, hehe.
tx fractal ;)
I think only that you could replace a few words.
2, 3 are great. 10 just doesn't logically flow.
fix lull and you're welcome.
done. i think.
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