poetry critical

online poetry workshop



D e l e t e d
markfelician

Precipitate thoughts,
 1
as I sit on this-
 2
restless and heavy skin.
 3
 
 
My mind breathes and hungers
 4
for your vivid image.
 5
 
 
I will free myself from
 6
your scent and shackles, miss.
 7
 
 
You are my goddess no more.
 8
 
 
Your lies and beauty,
 9
overwhelms even TRUTH.
 10
 
 
Denial takes form of a charging bull.
 11
 
 
On these cheeks flow,
 12
tears of my soul and my fare well.
 13
 14
My mind,
 15
            my universe.
 16
 
 
Get the hell out!
 17

30 Jul 08

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (1): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

i'm comment hungry
 — markfelician

anyone? hihhihi
 — markfelician

Whoa
 — themolly

thank you themolly :()
 — markfelician

Don't like the last line;You could have used some more graceful words to make the point.

Line 10- it seems funny that those lull you. Wrong word to use I think.

I understand the overall point and I like what you've got.
 — thirdeyris

thank you thirdeyris :)
 — markfelician

"But his poetry can still be inspiring.
Poetry can not always be about the sweet, soft and sugar coated."
— thirdeyris         & nbsp;[!]
 — markfelician

;)
 — markfelician

if i were Isabelle5, i'd tell you to check your grammar in |10
where "lulls" should be "lull" and in |5 where "of" should be
"for" [or so i think] and |12 lacks "the" before "form" and in |13
where "From" should be "On".

maybe you should set your Universe on fire so she can
scram towards the emergency exit, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

tx fractal ;)
 — markfelician

my pleasure.
: )
 — fractalcore

I think only that you could replace a few words.
2, 3 are great. 10 just doesn't logically flow.  

fix lull and you're welcome.
 — thirdeyris

done. i think.
 — markfelician

hehe
 — markfelician

0.219s