poetry critical

online poetry workshop

her kiss

Her kiss:
like a warm knife
that cuts through butter.

31 Jul 08

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 10
Inactive (4): 1, 9, 10

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warm or not , a knife will cut through. I like it, it makes me hungry :)
 — markfelician

oh, ouch!  Clear, concise, like a surgical instrument.
 — Isabelle5

you're five years old, right? and never read a poem before and you saw a poem once from a distance and looked at the page and saw that it looked like funny letters -- you didn't know how to read them. and, on the t.v. there was a funy-man who said, "we'll cut through the red tape like a knife through butter" and your dad laughed and your mom laughed and you liked that they laughed, and saw that it was good. scheming, causing things to go bippity-bop in your head, you first wanted to be a t.v., and you went around all one day with a carton over your head and said, "i am a television". you were quickly alone in any room you entered.

the story of how you discovered scissors and cut-out, and face presentation to an audience, is a matter of record -- but, none of your biographers has really talked about that moment of creating this poem, moment of semi-genius, when you worked out, "heat makes butter melt". the details, the accidental discovery of "softness", and the mechanics of warming, were worked out by your assistants. the packaging of the product: the delivery of this poem, is yours alone. did you pick out the rhythm field in this by yourself or did momma-language habituation start without you?
 — joey

It seems to me you could substiture any noun for kiss. Her pantsuit: Her Visa Card: Her glass eye:
They all work for me. And not in a good way.
 — mitchl

You read it. I made you think. You even commented on it.
Thanks for taking the time to do so.
As far as I'm concerned, I have done my job.
 — unknown

Nice Haiku!
 — unknown

Raven-san, domo arigato for practicing a Japanese traditional style of poetry writing. Once again arigato.
 — unknown

Joey, thanks for the anecdote. You have a possibility to be a good script writer. Nice draft. Can I use it for a cartoon I'm making for our school paper?

Thanks for taking the time.
 — raveneffect

ey dude, is this the one?

i think i've read this before and
must've forgotten to leave a comment.

this is excruciatingly short and precise
and cuts like a knife.

a kiss is a kiss is a kiss, right?
but you've done better in those 3 lines.

hope to read more of you here.
; )
 — fractalcore