| schizy's back
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fractalcore
| i'm a schizo | or so i think | 1 |
maybe not | i think not | 2 |
shut | up | 3 |
scratch | my | back | 4 |
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written 05/24/08
http://poetrycritical.net/read/48370/
thanks, listen.
: ) |
8 Aug 08 |
Rated 5 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 5, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(135 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
funny poem with a funny title, interesting fact
— nisetru
thank you so much, nisetru.
can a dialog transpire between the same "two" people?
or a monologue perhaps?
maybe i should just shut up and scratch my back.
: )
— fractalcore
I do it all the time - I'll curse, then scold myself. I am not fond of the big wall in the center. I know what you're going for but there must be a better way to show that it's two sides of your brain having a chat. It's not coming across as strongly as it could but I have no idea how to strengthen the format.
— Isabelle5
thanks, Izz... Isabelle5.
how 'bout this version now?
sorry i can't get rid of the wall.
: )
— fractalcore
I wish you could draw a picture of a head, with voices coming out all over it!
— Isabelle5
butt ease-sent duh head well-pictured dare?
: )
— fractalcore
LEFT SPEAK TO RIGHT SPEAK TO LEFT SPEAK TO RIGH SPEAK TO LEFT SPEAK TO RIGHT
NOBODY SPEAK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :-(
— chinatown1
this is such a good idea, the split dialogue. i'd love to see you use this idea again, it has worked very well here.
as is, very clever. schizy is a cool word.
— listen
schizy used to be a moniker of mine.
i'm glad the format works for you.
thank you so much, listen.
: )
— fractalcore
cute!
ey! was that you i heard a while ago?
oh, maybe not...
but i think it was you...
oh, never mind!
— enkantada
trite
not
shite
— unknown
well, maybe it was me you heard
or might be your own voice.
creepy, hehe.
thanks for stopping by, enkantada.
: )
— fractalcore
unky, trite and shite are two lobes comprising
the same thing with a thin sheet of air in between.
thanks for stopping by.
: )
— fractalcore
chinatown1, i dunno what to say.
maybe i do.
maybe i
maybe
may
m
.
.
thanks for faving.
: )
— fractalcore
Would parens work better?
i'm a schizo (I think)
maybe not (not)
shut it (up)
scratch (my) back
who's that?? haha
— Isabelle5
hi, Isabelle5.
good suggestion...hmm...
but i guess the curent format
will stay as is for now.
who's that? (who's what?)
; )
— fractalcore
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