poetry critical

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schizy's back
fractalcore

i'm a schizo   |   or so i think
 1
  maybe not   |   i think not
 2
            shut   |   up
 3
   scratch   |   my   |   back
 4




written 05/24/08
http://poetrycritical.net/read/48370/
thanks, listen.
: )

8 Aug 08

Rated 5 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 5, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(204 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

funny poem with a funny title, interesting fact
 — nisetru

thank you so much, nisetru.

can a dialog transpire between the same "two" people?
or a monologue perhaps?

maybe i should just shut up and scratch my back.
: )
 — fractalcore

I do it all the time - I'll curse, then scold myself.  I am not fond of the big wall in the center.  I know what you're going for but there must be a better way to show that it's two sides of your brain having a chat.  It's not coming across as strongly as it could but I have no idea how to strengthen the format.  
 — Isabelle5

thanks, Izz... Isabelle5.

how 'bout this version now?
sorry i can't get rid of the wall.
: )
 — fractalcore

I wish you could draw a picture of a head, with voices coming out all over it!  
 — Isabelle5

butt ease-sent duh head well-pictured dare?
: )
 — fractalcore

LEFT SPEAK TO RIGHT SPEAK TO LEFT SPEAK TO RIGH SPEAK TO LEFT SPEAK TO RIGHT
NOBODY SPEAK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  :-(
 — chinatown1

this is such a good idea, the split dialogue. i'd love to see you use this idea again, it has worked very well here.

as is, very clever. schizy is a cool word.
 — listen

schizy used to be a moniker of mine.
i'm glad the format works for you.

thank you so much, listen.
: )
 — fractalcore

cute!
ey! was that you i heard a while ago?
oh, maybe not...
but i think it was you...
oh, never mind!
 — enkantada

trite

not

shite
 — unknown

well, maybe it was me you heard
or might be your own voice.

creepy, hehe.

thanks for stopping by, enkantada.
: )
 — fractalcore

unky, trite and shite are two lobes comprising
the same thing with a thin sheet of air in between.

thanks for stopping by.
: )
 — fractalcore

chinatown1, i dunno what to say.

maybe i do.
maybe i
maybe
may
m
.
.

thanks for faving.

: )
 — fractalcore

Would parens work better?

i'm a schizo (I think)
maybe not (not)
shut it (up)
scratch (my) back

who's that??  haha
 — Isabelle5

hi, Isabelle5.

good suggestion...hmm...
but i guess the curent format
will stay as is for now.

who's that? (who's what?)
; )
 — fractalcore

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