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Cheerful Death (Revised)
katt

Weight relieved with
 1
brief, nostalgic goodbyes
 2
barren limbs rise
 3
lifelessly greeting the chill wind
 4
  
 5
Joy's dry tears descend, gracefully
 6
to their death.
 7
Loose red puddles,
 8
fade to brown,
 9
crunch cheerily beneath my feet.
 10
 
 
The white death
 11
can't hurt what is breathless.
 12
His suffocating blanket
 13
perches uselessly, victimless.
 14
 
 
But he too falls,
 15
at the slumbering skeleton's base,
 16
Fluffy puddles of white
 17
squelch sadly
 18
beneath my feet.
 19
 
 
Even death must sleep.
 20
 
 
Joy's children peek tentatively
 21
from otherwise barren structures,
 22
becoming dewdrops...
 23
then tears of joy, unshed,
 24
that whisper instead, while
 25
greeting the warm wind again.
 26
 
 
Limbs bear the weight.
 27
A patient mother
 28
gently dancing with her children,
 29
who, in return, shade her
 30
and all but my feet.
 31
 
 
On confiscated vehicles of sustenance
 32
white death returns,
 33
demanding respect,
 34
in a surprise attack.
 35
 
 
Desperate to survive,
 36
limbs and tears bow in submission,
 37
and tenderly touch the ground,
 38
hoping it is enough.
 39
 
 
Unsatisfied, death suffocates,
 40
more, More, MORE.
 41
The weight of death, on her children, is too much.
 42
No one hears the tears fall,
 43
only the limbs
 44
that lay at my feet.
 45
 
 
In the face of warmth,
 46
Death is forced to retreat from battle.
 47
 
 
After a warm and prosperous dance,
 48
the wind becomes chill, to warn
 49
mother and children
 50
"Death is coming again."
 51
 
 
So that their mother might live,
 52
the children say their goodbyes,
 53
from beneath my feet.
 54

Inspired while walking on campus many years ago. I've had difficulty with previous iterations being too vague, so please comment so that I can refine further.

*edit included Hulda's suggestion as well as some of my own changes.

7 Sep 08

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Comments:

I'm in the process of refining this, comments? - katt
 — katt

I don't like how you put it in chapters but as a mother it breaks my heart to read about the mother and her children, in whole it is very well said and it takes me a while to get it out of my head, very sad, thank you, hulda
 — Hulda

Thanks for the suggestion Hulda, I definitely think that removing the chapters forces me to be more descriptive. Which can be a good thing.
 — katt

Hi Katt - It's good but a little unfocused. Crunch cheerily, fluffy puddles and squelch sadly definitely do NOT work and seriously detract. Read it aloud and record it and play it back. With a little more TLC this will be a fine piece.  Cheerz. Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

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