| casting a chart
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AlchemiA
| blue eyes pierce chiron | 1 |
saturn falls in the west | 2 |
jupiter on your breast | 3 |
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never ending intensity | 4 |
IQ swims with the sharks | 5 |
feeding on men who can't keep up | 6 |
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venus, pluto and uranus | 7 |
rising in the morning | 8 |
looking away, can't stay | 9 |
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psychologist, mother, insignificant other | 10 |
lonely-worn-tired - wired into | 11 |
24 hour shifts you worked up | 12 |
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pattern recognition | 13 |
preempts your intuition | 14 |
saying it isn't so | 15 |
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there's a hole in your head | 16 |
where wounds of reason seep | 17 |
what's left is deep | 18 |
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not much can be said | 19 |
about the stones laid on the dead | 20 |
in ritual circle rounds | 21 |
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no chart can map | 22 |
the tears or broken cares | 23 |
nor planet make amends | 24 |
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retrograde movements | 25 |
track a backward legacy | 26 |
of cosmic compulsion | 27 |
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if invertendo could kill | 28 |
you'd have murder'd your stars | 29 |
- fatalist | 30 |
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4 Oct 08 |
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Comments:
nice play of nonsense words
— unknown
unk you need to get out more -- Astrology is an old Map of Psychological fixations which can describe general and specific territories of human fatality and frailty, nevertheless being compelled by the past or future beckoned is a paradigmension that can be changed -- however with hopeless critics like yourself there may be no recourse -- try to enjoy the circles of your mind unk, its all you've got going on
— AlchemiA
some kind of small animal creeps in and out of those headstones and that's maybe the motor movement which makes the eyes watch everything and see only the good. that the stars care, is the issue.
— unknown
the issue is that you've assumed that this plays on what you believe to be true -- dead forms and rituals are the 'fixations' in your head which compel you to your personal perspective here writ illiterate -- compelled to a righteous fit in some path of Religious reactivity to what's true with you -- you've no idea nor can you write with freedom -- you leave a testimony to the compelled fixation that moves your pen -- you can only understand up to the point that wonder has expanded your heart and awe has fired your mind
— AlchemiA
it's more that i identify with this, and am thinking that the motion of the poem revolves around the spinning of my small inside animal and the animal must move or it will be with dead people. it's not, for some reason, comfortable or happy with dead people. it was, my comment, simply a reflection off this and not a comment on you. if you are this, than that wouldn't be an insult anyway, my saying 'small animal', but i was thinking of myself.
— unknown
i don't know, by the way, what play the unkka was watching when he read your poem, but i suspect neil simon.
— unknown
smiles -- Questions and Answers are like layer cakes of duality with melting ice cream filler -- change is the only constant and the meandering mental mind is like a river of doubts about it -- all these things are inventions, charts and channelling, poetry and prose, which can be a duplicitous conceit to weather the changes and hope for the best -- we carry rainbows on our backs and look for the Soul in the Sky with piercing blue eyes as deep and wet as oceans roiling and reaching for the sky, asking why, oh, why am I -- nevertheless with these Maps (charts) of the Universe are the keys to the Kingdom of you and only you will manage the territorial imperatives -- it is interesting to note the physiological pattern mechanisms of sense based phenomenon, as it brings a sort of sober view to the matters of our Human responses and interactions -- nevertheless a strange occurrence like Deja View (Deja Vu and the serendipity we experience) is the subject of many speculations and interpretations. For instance when in Love or experiencing any of the heightened overflowed bliss of Joy and Wonder there is an increase of Corpus Collosium activity which generates right/left brain synchronization, such that experiences of Deja View and other so called happenstance occurrences of serendipity increase as well -- the heightened senses of Love, Awe and Wonder bring us to a view of timelessness with an increase in spatial awareness -- the interconnectivity of all that is expands to ones view, where ones pattern recognition is also enhanced -- see Jill Bolte Taylor's excellent discovery
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks /jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html
sHe is a neuroScientist and was able to watch herself go through a stroke while her language centres shutdown and her sense of time became disabled -- this may give you a better view of the tool that is
the brain -- the gifted Poet often moves through these territories where the Maps of Science and Religion become meaningless as there are no Maps for the Territories of the Heart --
— AlchemiA
the trouble with unk's is they all seem to be the same until their not -- here you're unk 2 where unk one (the one that gave a one) on the top is the illiterate one -- which is how I carried on the write-back -- however I see that it is different completely in tone and crit as yours has a deeper wit in it
— AlchemiA
-alchemia-
why even acknowledge them. their words mean nothing to me.
lines 1 through 3 are my favourite and the last 3 are just simply brilliant.
— raskolniikov
raskolniikov Thanks for that -- educating ignorance can be a fools lament -- this came from casting a chart for my sister (half) who is going through change -- my father is hell bet on dying between the legs of a hungry ghost -- these themes run through it and alas, my casting the Net of Meanings that Stars distress is something I've done for many years professionally and for the love of it
— AlchemiA
supposing the deja vu to be an exteriorization, an expulsion of consciousness, outside the specific conceptualization you're directed toward? and the view described is just pure and objectified 'speculation'? seeing the 'seeing' part of 'looking at something? and not a 'penetration into depth' at all? like, really, hitting the 'funnybone' isn't a profound intuition of underlying neurological sensibility, but simply a 'disruption'?
— unknown
the siddhi of Deja View, i.e., the ability to remote view or tumble dice to your specifications is both bane and boon in all my siblings -- my Grandmother was the go to person for the tribe for her talent to 'see' inside out without a doubt -- prognosticating aside the wishes become enemies of inspiration and compelling the future sucks the life out of being plainly and simply present -- be careful with what you wish for with your wish fulfilling gem for its Love that makes it work
— AlchemiA
oh -- and you always become what you Love -- so Love up
— AlchemiA
i think i'm saying that deja vu and vision are different actions on the consciousness -- that the vu, deja is an abstraction of vu, the 'motion towards' suddenly dissociated, where as vision is the focused application of consciousness, tethered into the motion towards 'understanding'. the deja vu isn't a hyper-understanding or clarity of the object -- of the thing being observed, but a state of conscious freedom, which, as you understand, simply means unfocused and lost. it's like finding yourself thrown out of a train at 130 Kph... you're aware of space and time in a liberated way -- you're liberated from having to go to rotterdam after all, but that's not really the conscious thing on your mind at that moment.
— unknown
ic -- so it is -- Deja View stood there like a mountain in thin air
— AlchemiA
i like charts,
and i like this poem. i hope you don't mind me going into the way i read and feel your poem, and offering some thoughts. =-)
the first 3 lines are perfect.
saturn is a bastard, but he means well; teaches, makes you grow even if it hurts or can't let go.
i love jupiter on your breast; luck may find you nursing from the wisest teat.
i find too many planets grouped together in one line to have one result, when these three are clearly so individually characterized. i guess i don't understand that part. venus, i can see not staying, but the other two are steadfast, making changes for the future; generations.
this poem is a mix of beauty and realism, and i'm having a difficult time finding the balance.
i would omit "that" from line 5, and "quickly" in L9.
not so fond of L's 15, 21 as they seem to change the sincerity of the poem.
L26: backward sounds nicer as singular.
L29: You'd have murder'd your stars,
fatalist. (just something that caught me, sounded neat).
i enjoyed the internal rhyme and the form of this poem.
although we didn't explore as much planetary influence as i'd have liked, i am satisfied having read this, and possibly been inspired.
thanks, alchy.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
ahh, sweet -- I always like it when you show up and synergize the pome with me -- I'll try the ideas you've shared
— AlchemiA
WOW another amazing writing!
i am a fan
— Liliana
ever heard of the Alcheringa Gallery in Victoria, Alch?
There are collections there by an artist, Rick Rivet; he has some cool metis paintings. also there, among hundreds of other native artists, Australian, Papua, Cree and more. Kinda neat.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
hey, =-D
nice changes.
still, L29 should be "have" not "of", or is that intentional?
anyway, this feels much stronger now. thanks for taking my suggestions. you know of course i don't expect it. i just like blabbing. =-)
— jenakajoffer
ok jenny I've not visited that Gallery but i'll be sure to my next stop there -- yeah as I'm not educated I recieve all the help you give willingly -- my pomes aren't great but they are better because of the help I've recieved here -- Thank you
— AlchemiA
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