| Astronaut's Diary
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joshcoops
| Pages from an astronauts diary survived the explosion of the space shuttle Columbia and a 37 mile fall to earth.—Associated Press
| Out in a new dark, | 1 |
he traces old prayers onto paper | 2 |
to light the unknown— | 3 |
he seeks sparks, | 4 |
scribbles down any discovery | 5 |
he carries reason to— | 6 |
a fire he brings so close to a fuse | 7 |
it bursts and burns him as a star | 8 |
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on earth— | 9 |
his words returning | 10 |
to where he cannot. | 11 |
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4 Oct 08 |
Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 8, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 10
(define the words in this poem)
(6 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
there's ice on Mars.
— unknown
this is beautifully written
— unknown
very good
— unknown
yes -- you've woven that fire as light and penned into human plight -- well writ with feeling deeply fired in it
— AlchemiA
wow thats quite an interesting story
— unknown
I still like this -- except that the word 'Even' starting the first line kinda takes away from the inner sonics and the outer imagery -- perhaps begin with 'Out' -- you've captured the 'feeling' well but the writing could be ever so much tighter with a little tweaking here and there -- nevertheless, marvelous imagery
— AlchemiA
yes, it could use some more tightening, will do alchemia
— unknown
yes, it's really a beautifully wrought homage to those brave new worlders --
— AlchemiA
its a nice poem
— chuckle_s
but could be found to be obscene
— chuckle_s
ha, yeah, but there are easy parallels to draw between sex and death/everything. its all creation and destruction
— joshcoops
huzzah!
lol.
— 1994
I like it! I love the idea of someone so filled with science also so filled with the need to write.
Into his own indefinite - that seems to be playing with the word infinite but I'm not quite feeling its fit there. Can you explain what you mean by that word in that place? Too close to a fuse of thought - what a good line that is!
— Isabelle5
Indefinate was chosen to mean unknown/mystery; as in, the great unknown in outerspace, but then also into his own great unknown within. Kind of parallel external/internal pursuit going on. A bunch of words i could have chosen, but i like indefinate's resemblance to infinite, but any better ideas I would love to hear.
thanks
— unknown
what the Astronaut actually wrote:
this thick air, these wings, almost lifting me --
can I touch soft clouds, know the sky?
soar in darkest night, where only stars can see
— AlchemiA
this is subtly powerful, great write
— unknown
I was only a dream rolling deep inside the sea
where a ghostly fire startled me
then I fled to fields where tall grass rolled in wind
fell upon the earth, looked at the dark sky
where stars are calling me
— AlchemiA
I really like the idea ( alot more than somebody stuffed up in calculating something or not checking something correctly) - of the fire being brought close to thought and that causing the disaster.
almost makes it seem worthwhile..
in a completely insensitive way of course.
nice imagery - not too sure about line 5 though 'his own indefinite'
care to explain?
— pooka
this poem deserves more appreciation
— unknown
it's a well played metaphor of fire bursting into light, made oh, so visceral in the Super bolide hurtling to earth in that failed flight, making this a pome of heart and human might
— AlchemiA
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