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In the Hours Approaching Dawn
eyerite

The constellation of a face
 1
Among the glittered grass
 2
 
 
Beneath a half-swallowed moon
 3
A bottle at the end of its wane
 4
 
 
A galaxy disappears
 5
With the taste of bittersweet lips
 6

6 Oct 08

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Comments:

doomy dawn again.
 — Rhiannon1984

bittersweet lips crushes it for me.

:-/

Maybe not be so "poetic"?
 — Salamander

i agree, and why are they bittersweet anyway?
 — joshcoops

I'm with the other commentators. Do something else with the last line or just remove it. It would stand fine without the last line.
 — SarahMichele

Yeah, I agree. I am not a fan of this poem myself, but I figured I'd toss it to you all to see if I might salvage it. Thanks for the feedback.
 — eyerite
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