poetry critical

online poetry workshop



nightwaters
Aziel

MAYBE
 1
this isn't what I NEED
 2
only what I WANT
 3
 
 
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
 4
 
 
"i simultaneously think of kissing you
 5
and RIPPING YOUR THROAT OUT"
 6
 
 
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
 7
 
 
not me, anymore.
 8
 
 
 
 
not me.
 9
 
 
 
 
THIS IS NOT ME.
 10
i am not me. i am someone else.
 11
 
 
-invisibleink
 12
but i'm not cattle
 13
but i'm not cattle
 14
but i'm not cattle
 15
-/invisibleink
 16
 
 
The sun asked me,
 17
"Are you lying?"
 18
 
 
the moon told me,
 19
"You are a liar."
 20
 
 
i could master self-understanding
 21
if I knew
 22
who the FUCK
 23
i was.
 24
(a sponge, LACKING VERTEBRAE)
 25
 
 
i am not alive, once removed from my element
 26
 
 
THE SEA. THE SEA. THE SEA.
 27
 
 
i am an OCEAN of useless information
 28
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
the MOON finds himself in love with me
 29
but can't see me or my fucking ocean
 30
 
 
the SUN has been swimming in oceans
 31
before i'd ever known either existed,
 32
 
 
de-NILE
 33
perhaps i'm a river
 34

I wish you could see this as it's meant to be seen, with the difference in size and ability to highlight what "isn't meant to be seen".

20 Oct 08

Rated 10 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 1, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(50 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Any reason behind the 1 rating?
 — Aziel

wah whoa   this is way out there. way way outa this universe.
but you have a unique stlye thatisa fo sho
 — unknown

hm. Im with u on a lot of this, but that comes and goes. This is so unstructured i dont think i can give any advice. I will say that the poem has a lot to offer, just needs to b cleaned up a bit. Powerful work.
 — peoplescareT

i would like to clarify. It doesnt need to b cleaned up. Seems like u wrote this for yourself, which is cool. If u want others to follow it and b there with u, i recommend u clean it up.
 — peoplescareT

33 - 34 is the end note as joke -- maybe excise that -- it's a look into the many me's inside the sea of you -- oh if only I were a boat I'd float on your shivers and waves of delight -- your storms would pull me in deep
 — AlchemiA

the 10 is to negate the 1
 — AlchemiA

No, the poets going through a process and letting us in on it. the end is the end, cus thats the end. I think 33-34 are a great way to end.
 — peoplescareT

i fucking love this!!!!! i fucking love it.
 — unknown

It's easier to comprehend if you read "celestial debate".  This is technically a continuation of that.
 — Aziel

Also, I did write it for myself, but the older users that know my work see what I mean, to some extent, such as AlchemiA.  By the way, AlchemiA, I love you.  I would like to some day meet, if we are ever on the same continent.
 — Aziel

Aziel you rocket
 — unknown

I rock et
 — Aziel

0.327s