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monarch-y flits o'er
fields of Clover
i am
daisy chained,
dirty and unaware
that i'm no longer the sky,
but underneath
the half moon--
he stole me away
to sunflower fields
bucking shamelessly
against me
rosy red

13 Nov 08

Rated 6 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10
Inactive (18): 1, 2, 3, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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 — unknown

 — Aziel

i like this..
 — brother_sun

Very interesting and creative.  I am grounded, daisy chained - wish I had written that!  
 — Isabelle5

the ending is empty and if it could somehow end around line ten it would be, i think, a definitive poem on this topic. it deserves a second edit.
 — geckodrome

Yes, this is very creative.  I really like the line breaks in this and the second stanza is SO powerful.
 — PaulS

 — aurelius

Nice one, loving last 4 lines!
 — photobooth

nice poem
 — chuckle_s

nice writing, Aziel.

mike has a good point but i don't mind
the way this piece is right now.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm getting really bored of sunflowers,
they're freakin everywhere.

nice poem though.  I'd like to see it end before the flowers come in,
but the bucking (woops i almost typed 'f*cking') is really cool.
nice writing,
 — jenakajoffer

very good line breaks.

interesting way of describing this strange, sometimes awkward and disorienting event.

i like the use of shamelessly in |12. good word.
 — unknown

flowery 'n well laid out under the swooning half moon Aziel -- a ten for the imagist brevity making many flushed reflections
 — AlchemiA

 — OKcomputer

ps. the fucking is really cool.
 — OKcomputer

Yur good
 — unknown

nice poem.
ending maybe could be sharpened.
 — hank

"blood red" would be stronger. I know you lose the flower theme then, though.  Why the capital for clover?

Love the poem overall.
 — MarcusLane

i could have sworn i already commented and rated this. anyway, good stuff here.

i'll give it a quick 7.
 — mould_jesus

yes i very well remember commenting on how i like the phrase "bucking shamelessly."

this conveys your image quite well.
 — mould_jesus

the wording of this poem is really nice..."i'm no longer the sky, but underneath the half moon--"...cool image right there.

very nice job
 — lexare24

3Xz8uc  pdaorwwnlfes, [url=http://wabrsguxrtjg.com/]wabrsguxrtjg[/url], [link=http://bxyotixcmtbf.com/]bxyotixcmtbf[/link], http://fasdsyyiyyqd.com/
 — unknown

oh lovely. love the bucking part -- Eugene
 — unknown