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lick a nipple in Nepal
fractalcore

--weep, splash, deep flash,
 1
  lightning, pitch black...nails,
 2
    toes curled, c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g
 3
 
 
heavy weight from the wait
 4
  in line on the trail per-
 5
    severing, toil in the soil
 6
 
 
watching, helping comrades
 7
 
 
with the drive to thrive on empty
 8
  belly, trembling knees, bags full of
 9
    food and things unnecessary like
 10
 
 
"what's this laptop doing in the--?"
 11
 
 
cows overly tame,
 12
                scaring the salt out of we--
 13
 
 
           RUN, RUN, RUN !!!
 14
                Up a tree !!!
 15
                What the [?]
 16
               FFFFFFFFUN !!!
 17
 
 
not making it to the top --
 18
  we're a lot of flops who stopped
 19
     for an emergency night camp,
 20
 
 
                    damp
 21
               supertramps
 22
                 in the cold
 23
 
 
feasting on fish or noodles or
 24
  nothing, thanks for the forest un-bald
 25
    under no sun, and no forest under one;
 26
 
 
all else resumed the next morn,
 27
  rock/boulder in mind, hard to climb,
 28
     had to find or just bail out easy maybe
 29
 
 
but look at the fog -- many called them
 30
  "clouds" -- engulfing the still, able buddies
 31
     from view, obstracting the view from afar:
 32
 
 
    civilized nuisance we left behind
 33
 
 
amidst the green and blue and such
 34
  things worth going back home to
 35
    after the hard-earned success;
 36
 
 
the trouble of getting on that "nipple" of a peak
 37
  on our little peek-a-boo-hoo trek-trip with a
 38
     lotta help from our good ol' guide/cook/porter;
 39
 
 
above all hills,
 40
    from the rare friends we made
 41
       when we least expected it.
 42




for the risk-trekkers who made it through
and all the good people who made it possible
for us from November 8-9, 2008.

see you all again soon.
: )

16 Nov 08


(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

inspirational
earational
aspirational
and of course ultmimately expirational. but ew've fired me up and i'm working on a dedicational
 — unknown

ey thanks, pal.
you ARE the inspirational
one here after all:

"like a nipple in Nepal"
will be now be its label.

: )
 — fractalcore

[minus the one "be" there]

: )
 — fractalcore

I like it when you write about stories. especially ones about sucklin' on the teet of adventure. ;p

|5,6; not sure about cutting up persevering.
|7; unnecessary comma - try a colon or nothing at all instead.
|12; "overly tame" --> "overdomesticated" (sounds more fractalesque, I figure). again, no comma needed here (3 periods?)

|14-17; try getting the exclamation marks and [?] to line up. It probably did in the monospace version of this poem, but try emulating that.
|21-23; fucking awesome.
|24-26; baldness as in no overcast? I wouldn't use a connection like that in a poem like this.
|30-31; consider "unshy clouds" (in this adventurous place everything is a lot more extreme, y'know)
|32; "obstracting" --> "obsructing?" or the greek [ao] would work fine too.
|34-39; I don't like the run-on statements here. w/e.

bleh. use this changes if they appeal to you.
 — Virgil

hi, Virgil.

thanks for the very good observations.
i'll try to work on it if/when i can.

: )
 — fractalcore

hi, clmt.

you're presence is a very good ironic
testimony.

i am so ugly.
: )
 — fractalcore

i'm growing up!

i really liked your sing sing
it's a poem that made me feel like rockin with the 80's
only with a little nipple twist finale.

nice writing fractaliope
 — jenakajoffer

thanks, people of the wurd,
jen, et-al, yeah,

but this is pretty much
unfinished business.

will get busy with it again
sometime.

: )
 — fractalcore

He’s splayed
very affrayed
the nipple fly heart beats
double four time
a vacuous vacuum
yawns above laps top
brim spill ove
            ;          r
            ;          r
            ;          r

cascadence  and cascad
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;   e
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;   e


            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;   
Spider web charade
holds no weight
you only bounce once.
 — unknown

gravity is not a good fiend




at times.
: )
 — fractalcore

time for a lickin' good titile change, hehe.

: )
 — fractalcore

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