| Before the Sunsets
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trochee
| Find me somewhere | 1 |
between precise moments | 2 |
in a cellar with ancient light | 3 |
fading above my notes. | 4 |
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Search me in the old crowds; | 5 |
left alone shoes, derelict umbrellas, | 6 |
a wrinkled photograph may be | 7 |
resting next to a telephone booth. | 8 |
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In an old-fashioned bistro | 9 |
sipping life in allayed gulps | 10 |
hovering over genial thoughts | 11 |
look for my signs | 12 |
before the sunsets | 13 |
and the vulgar secrets | 14 |
of strangers | 15 |
scribbled on the pews. | 16 |
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I have dropped the keys | 17 |
to be lost again. | 18 |
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29 Dec 08 |
Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 3 users.
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(64 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Search me in the old crowds; ?
— unknown
genital thoughts
dont drop the soap
— chuckle_s
unknown come again.
Chuckie you are getting predictable mate
— trochee
The only question I have is do you want sun sets, as in the verb sets or sunsets, the noun? If it is the verb, you might need to add 'are' in line 16.
I love the search, looking here and there, an old photo found on the ground by a phone booth, which is rare enough to find these days.
This is good, creative and gives the reader good imagery to work with.
— Isabelle5
no, 'are' would not be 'necessary' in either case.
— unknown
Yes, it would. If it were 'sun sets,' you need are or it would be incomplete. Try reading it that way, you'll see. If sets is a verb, then 'and' is connecting two verbs, you have to have 'are scribbled.'
How can anyone write poetry effectively if they don't know how their language works?
— Isabelle5
you are wrong; 'are' would not be 'necessary' in either case.
In an old-fashioned bistro
sipping life in allayed gulps
hovering over genial thoughts
look for my signs
before the sun sets
and the vulgar secrets
of strangers
scribbled on the pews.
in the case of sun sets as verb, the parse would indicate that the command is as follows:
look for my signs
before the sun sets
and (meaning 'also look for') the vulgar secrets
of strangers
scribbled on the pews.
this is clear to me when i read it.
"How can anyone write poetry effectively if they don't know how their language works?" - indeed.
— unknown
I don't agree but you're welcome to your thoughts on it.
— Isabelle5
I think we are simply reading this differently. I understand what you see and I understand what I see. That's the fun part of poetry, many readers can see it differently and still be correct.
— Isabelle5
thanks guys
but just to clear the air, its not a verb.
— trochee
before sunsets
there are many visions to capture
and i wonder
if i will find your secrets
and scribbles
while the light casts
no shadow
or if i should search for them
after sunrise.
nice poem,
many 'the's i see in the 3rd stanza, particularly L13, 14, 16--any way to rid one or two?
you ol' romantic, you.
— jenakajoffer
Very effective and well written.
— PaulS
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