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An ugly sunset
shards

like a rainbow
 1
you disappeared right before my eyes
 2
when I got too close
 3
taking it so personally
 4
that I didn’t want to live in this cliché
 5
but I’m not ignoring you I swear
 6
I’m far too busy being ignorant
 7
and now you've witnessed a disappointing miracle
 8
carrying everyone else's baggage
 9
like some self appointed atlas
 10
did you honestly expect different results
 11
making a perfect stranger your confidant?
 12
your rude awakening
 13
politely roused me from my own slumber
 14
so I'll be crying at your funeral tonight
 15
remembering the time you asked :
 16
ever gone everywhere?
 17

8 Jan 09

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 10
Inactive (2): 8

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Comments:

ah shud up
 — unknown

Apart from no caps, etc., this is a very intriguing poem.  It caught me immediately, drew me directly to the center of your poem and kept me there the whole time I was reading.  

I kept expecting it to become cliched, as some of the ideas seem well-used but it didn't.  Lines 13-14 is a life lesson, isn't it?  
 — Isabelle5

I like the first three lines a lot. I Lines 13-16 are also pretty good.

In my own poems, however, I avoid using the word "cliché" as much as possible. That's the only thing I'd change, unless you really feel that it works for your poem.
 — stackpop

wow this is a really good poem. i love it actually. there are certain things like irregular punctuation to it but other than that i really love it.
 — silentspring

this poem is shiny
like a rainbow.

i like what Isabelle said,
thinking this was going to be orinary shit
and how it turned out to be pretty neat-O.

L4 & 5 are a bit on the lamer side
and i don't get the funeral part
but maybe it's just a "saying".

nice peom
(that is not a typo)
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you all very much for your comments
really appreciate them sincerely
 — shards

hmm - quiet and powerful, with a most perfect observation

"dissappointing miracle"

it handles everything in this piece to that last pitiful memory, this is carried through the poem, and then finally spoken outloud..

a good write..
 — Mongrol

i agree.
: )
 — fractalcore

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