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An ugly sunset

like a rainbow
you disappeared right before my eyes
when I got too close
taking it so personally
that I didn’t want to live in this cliché
but I’m not ignoring you I swear
I’m far too busy being ignorant
and now you've witnessed a disappointing miracle
carrying everyone else's baggage
like some self appointed atlas
did you honestly expect different results
making a perfect stranger your confidant?
your rude awakening
politely roused me from my own slumber
so I'll be crying at your funeral tonight
remembering the time you asked :
ever gone everywhere?

8 Jan 09

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (2): 8, 10

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ah shud up
 — unknown

Apart from no caps, etc., this is a very intriguing poem.  It caught me immediately, drew me directly to the center of your poem and kept me there the whole time I was reading.  

I kept expecting it to become cliched, as some of the ideas seem well-used but it didn't.  Lines 13-14 is a life lesson, isn't it?  
 — Isabelle5

I like the first three lines a lot. I Lines 13-16 are also pretty good.

In my own poems, however, I avoid using the word "cliché" as much as possible. That's the only thing I'd change, unless you really feel that it works for your poem.
 — stackpop

wow this is a really good poem. i love it actually. there are certain things like irregular punctuation to it but other than that i really love it.
 — silentspring

this poem is shiny
like a rainbow.

i like what Isabelle said,
thinking this was going to be orinary shit
and how it turned out to be pretty neat-O.

L4 & 5 are a bit on the lamer side
and i don't get the funeral part
but maybe it's just a "saying".

nice peom
(that is not a typo)
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you all very much for your comments
really appreciate them sincerely
 — shards

hmm - quiet and powerful, with a most perfect observation

"dissappointing miracle"

it handles everything in this piece to that last pitiful memory, this is carried through the poem, and then finally spoken outloud..

a good write..
 — Mongrol

i agree.
: )
 — fractalcore