| Catch Her in the Eye
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trochee
| In the facade of her skin | 1 |
is not her story | 2 |
but know that she is made | 3 |
of chalk and glass and sin | 4 |
her beetle smile hums slow | 5 |
in crooked noises | 6 |
her voice fades | 7 |
like pins dropped | 8 |
on a tessellated floor | 9 |
and kisses burn like | 10 |
pangs of jellyfish. | 11 |
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Her beauty... | 12 |
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because sometimes words fail | 13 |
and ruin instead | 14 |
catch her in the eye, | 15 |
curb her in blinks, | 16 |
breathe, turn and return. | 17 |
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10 Jan 09 |
Rated 7 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (2): 10
(define the words in this poem)
(68 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
there's some nice sounds in this -
her beetle smile
chalk and glass
curb her in blinks
but this all plays around the central, and wonderfully realised play with words, Catch Her in the Eye.. which is just superb.. it is a sketch I feel, with one defining detail that lifts this from being ordinary..
... "what I thought I'd do was pretend to be one of those deaf mutes.."
a good, wanting more, read...
— Mongrol
wow, is it supposed to sound like 'catcher in the rye'?
i am not sure about 'crooked noises' although it sounds poetic;
something more real like 'beetle smile hums slow and crooked' will give a nice visual addition other than abstract phrases. imo.
the first line makes a great ending also.
and this is a great starter:
'she is made of chalk and glass and sin' ...
i am disappointed with the last line.
"don't hate me because i'm beautiful":
you write a lot of poems that make me think of that.
i like how you write of beauty, troch.
nice work.
beauty lines with beetles, chalk and how i love the tessellated floor.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
**grabs unknowns ass**
— unknown
The first two lines might be better reversed - Her story is not in the facade of her skin.
I am wishing to like it but it feels as if there are large holes in the declaration of this woman. Catch her in the eye sounds too much like a fist rather than a kiss or compliment. Does instead go with ruin or catch?
— Isabelle5
psst- quit grabbing people's butts today, Mr.!
— Isabelle5
oh boy. damn you all..
ruined it for me and future readers..
will repost..
bah jen! and Isa!
— trochee
all things, and I do mean all things
considered, this is astonishing writing.
— banditfemme
hardly
good attempt
— unknown
i like the title.
its smart.
and happy birthday!
— mr_e
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