instead of jackets, maybe you could say pockets L7
and instead of spine, maybe something a little more daring for the ol' heart throb? i'd hyphenate static-cling, and change 'crash' to something else; seems lips crashing is just odd. btw, you say lips like 3 times--i bet you could get away without saying lips at all, you may even find something in the poem that way.
your descriptions are nice
just needs more luring perhaps.
=-) — jenakajoffer