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the static of a winter kiss
yrrockstar

it’s not a meeting of lips with rays of sun warming the skin
 1
but warm breath against pale cracked lips
 2
&  “i love you”
 3
followed only by the word “class” & a nod
 4
like we are merely in passing
 5
 
 
so a meeting of lovers it is not either
 6
hands remain in jackets --
 7
instead of on my neck or around his waist --
 8
filled with static cling and spark
 9
yet not the kind of spark you get
 10
when he outlines your spine with his hand
 11
 
 
it’s the slight sting of pain when
 12
tight lips finally
 13
crash
 14
into each other
 15

14 Jan 09


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Comments:

i dont like your poem
 — chuckle_s

instead of jackets, maybe you could say pockets L7
and instead of spine, maybe something a little more daring for the ol' heart throb?  i'd hyphenate static-cling, and change 'crash' to something else; seems lips crashing is just odd.  btw, you say lips like 3 times--i bet you could get away without saying lips at all, you may even find something in the poem that way.  

your descriptions are nice
just needs more luring perhaps.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

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