poetry critical

online poetry workshop



vanessa
mrkhoo

i don't know the blues i said
 1
it's fine, i'll teach you she said
 2
 
 
where do i hold you i asked
 3
one hand here, the other on my bra clasp she said
 4
 
 
like this i asked
 5
yea, and any lower, any woman would slap you she said
 6
 
 
how about my legs i asked
 7
a man is like a rock, steady and bent at the knees she said
 8
 
 
why is your right leg tucked in between mine, so close to the crotch i asked
 9
it's so you can guide me with your hips, the man always leads she said
 10
 
 
i want to dip you, and spin you i said
 11
not before i show you how we connect she said
 12
 
 
connect i asked
 13
yes, arm under arm, we have elasticity, connection, do with your hand how my body should react she said
 14
 
 
oh my, did i just make your body roll against mine i asked
 15
you're not leading me yet, the dancing is mutual, and eyes up here, not at my chest she said
 16
 
 
sorry, i really have no clue where to gaze, i said
 17
nevermind, most guys do that anyway she said
 18
 
 
i want to dip you, and spin you, do you trust me now i asked
 19
sure, go on, i trust you she said
 20
 
 
so i dipped her
 21
once
 22
twice
 23
three times
 24
i had only thought of one
 25
but her body said more
 26
 
 
then i swung her
 27
inside
 28
out
 29
back into our close embrace
 30
her temple against mine,
 31
and we clung and swayed
 32
the blue night away.
 33

9 Feb 09

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Comments:

beautiful
 — Ananke

hey! this is really good! yeah i'm still here. how are you? i take it you're now taking dance classes? i'm doing contemporary dance at my uni, but it's pretty lame.

Oh, and yeah. did you mean to say 'spinned'? isn't it 'spun'?
 — nickiblitz

spinned should be spun. clinged should be clung.  gosh, my grammar is bad.
 — mrkhoo

I'm taking ballet and modern dance.  They're a lot of fun!
 — mrkhoo

ooh, modern dance. cool! sounds like a lot of fun!
 — nickiblitz

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