poetry critical

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on the trail

after he told you,
has he not pulled you?
did he not push you
into water? — swim
out of water, little Buddha;
drink all the water
in the world.
which side
sounds holy?

20 Feb 09

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i smack both sides of your cerebrum which side sounds holy?
 — unknown

i don't know, mong. you tell me how holy you are and i'll hear the bell.
 — geckodrome

on the trail and no longer mantra?
maybe try "brahma" instead of its
"br:hm:" alternative.

my head's the bell
my mind the stick --
holy cows like
crows go
too well.

middle finger
to thee

: )
 — fractalcore

i think the game in that one was maybe to find the aum in brahma, with that one. it's not a pilgrimage. this little ditty is only about using religion as a skin over selfishness in love. better to say 'i can't' than 'they won't allow it', on that one, even if you can't find yourself in the mirror of nature.
 — geckodrome

this one really is not very clear. how can you swim out of water unless you are an amphibian? can you write this so that you don't blaspheme either?
 — gynodrome

yeah -- this is pith in how to say, dive deep to get the pearls today -- which side sounds holy? insigh'd
 — AlchemiA

bump for comment. thanks.
 — geckodrome

golden hits from the late '50's. still reads true though. thanks to fractal and alc for finding the right voltage.

: ) i'll give myself a ten!!
 — cadmium