poetry critical

online poetry workshop

on the trail

after he told you,
has he not pulled you?
did he not push you
into water? — swim
out of water, little Buddha;
drink all the water
in the world.
which side
sounds holy?

20 Feb 09

Rated 9.3 (5.9) by 3 users.
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Inactive (6): 1, 1, 1, 1, 10, 10

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i smack both sides of your cerebrum which side sounds holy?
 — unknown

i don't know, mong. you tell me how holy you are and i'll hear the bell.
 — geckodrome

on the trail and no longer mantra?
maybe try "brahma" instead of its
"br:hm:" alternative.

my head's the bell
my mind the stick --
holy cows like
crows go
too well.

middle finger
to thee

: )
 — fractalcore

i think the game in that one was maybe to find the aum in brahma, with that one. it's not a pilgrimage. this little ditty is only about using religion as a skin over selfishness in love. better to say 'i can't' than 'they won't allow it', on that one, even if you can't find yourself in the mirror of nature.
 — geckodrome

this one really is not very clear. how can you swim out of water unless you are an amphibian? can you write this so that you don't blaspheme either?
 — gynodrome

yeah -- this is pith in how to say, dive deep to get the pearls today -- which side sounds holy? insigh'd
 — AlchemiA

bump for comment. thanks.
 — geckodrome

golden hits from the late '50's. still reads true though. thanks to fractal and alc for finding the right voltage.

: ) i'll give myself a ten!!
 — cadmium

american little buddhists-in-training use words to control, while saying that words don't matter. we're poets, creatives, we control only ourselves through words. the rest of the world is just laughter. little buddhists are afraid of laughter, unless it's laughing at someone obviously too stoopid to think like a buddhist.
 — cadmium