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Sauciness
PaleHorse

She learned
 1
early
 2
 
 
to leave
 3
crusts of bread
 4
 
 
alone;
 5
 
 
learned so
 6
well that
 7
when she
 8
left
 9
 
 
my kitchen
 10
empty,
 11
 
 
only a
 12
tired
 13
mustard
 14
jar remained;
 15
 
 
tiaraed
 16
 
 
with a
 17
tarnished yellow
 18
crust.
 19

4 Mar 09

Rated 9.3 (8.3) by 5 users.
Active (5): 9, 10
Inactive (4): 1, 5, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

this was believable, crusts of bread line 4, my kitchen, tired mustard, lines 13 ,14, tiaraed line 16 , then tarnished yellow, 18, 19. this was fun to follow thru till the end... well written...j.g.smiles
 — goeszon

excellent work!  I really liked the image of the ring of mustard crust as a tiara/crown.
LOVED this!
 — aforbing

way to go :)
 — unknown

Thank you goeszon, and aforbing. The crusts usually wind up being the best part for you, and there's nothing like a tired tiara.
 — PaleHorse

Love the simplicity!
 — MsUnderstood

bloody hell, i spent a long time discussing this poem with my poet friend
and we tossed around many ideas as to what this means, but the thing that stumped us most was the title.
it seems sauciness is not the feeling here at all.  
we discovered a much deeper sense of loss and sadness; love.

'empty' this word is questionable.
was she empty, or is the kitchen empty?  it works if you meant she left empty, but not the other way.  if it were empty there wouldn't be anything left, not even a mustard jar.  could you remove that word?

then you get on this crusts of bread thing, and we were talking about how as a kid we didn't like the crusts, and mother would tell you it was the best part, or that it would make your hair curly or some such bullshit lie,
and i thought, what did we learn?  
that here you are the crust and you were the best part of her,
but she was too damned spoiled to notice.

nice poem, though it was challenging.
 — jenakajoffer

You flatter me jen with such a deep and acurate read. I am humbled. And I love your suggestions.
 — PaleHorse

i'm glad you were pleased with the comment, palehorse. =-)

sometimes a reader goes too far, and it's possible the author didn't delve as deep to write it as a reader did to read it, so there may be of course inaccuracies, and i hope that's not the case.  it's also possible that others who've read this did not delve much either, (note msunderstood's 'love the simplicity!'),
but that does not matter.  i'm glad to have read this.
this is not just some starving carp swimming around the cesspool.  
 — jenakajoffer

chuckle. maybe it is a carp after all, jen.

I mean, I'm still left empty and hungry after all, thinking that I am the best parts left behind. Maybe the tarnished crown isn't hers...maybe it's mine.
 — PaleHorse

it's certainly not a carp.
and i am going allow myself the last two lines of that previous comment of yours to help me shape a new poem, if that's ok.
 — jenakajoffer

Please, please. It would be a wonderful, humbling honor.
 — PaleHorse

it's finished.  
though it says i have to wait a few more hours to post it.
thanks for letting me do this.
=-D
 — jenakajoffer

The last part is fantastic imagery!
 — radiogirl

this was an honest write
 — psychofemale

PAle yellow
 — unknown

Alley of mine this is UP!
:)
 — mandolyn

I hope you are well,
it was really nice to read this again :)
 — jenakajoffer

Heh, I thought this one was long lost in the 'fridge. Thank you m'dear. I am doing...
 — PaleHorse

I truly appreciate the bitter ending. You are good.
 — unknown

excellent. i object only to your use of the semi-colon; otherwise, brilliant.
 — unknown

Wow... that is the first time I heard that used as a verb.
Tiara'd.... does that seem better?
I don't know... it tripped me up a little.
Otherwise--I totally LOVED this poem.
 — aforbing

dang, this thing won't die! Thank you aforbing
 — PaleHorse

^ because it is covered in sugar and melts in your mouth, :)
 — mandolyn

removed footnote
 — unknown

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like this just as much as I did back then...  thumbs up!
 — aforbing

Me too...maybe even more. Love me some palehorse, miss those times. Merry Christmas forbie, and you, Z xo :)
 — jenakajoffer

How did this come back?! Jules Verne serendipity right there. It gives me great pause to read this, and remember.
 — PaleHorse

meh
 — unknown

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