poetry critical

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because of you, i chew on my pillow
exeunt

you're one-half beautiful,
 1
at times, i dare to say.
 2
every word of yours
 3
belongs in a ransom note,
 4
underlined or...or threatening.
 5
i dictate emotions to myself
 6
because of you and that.
 7
 
 
because of you,
 8
i dream about waking up.
 9
i forget to eat breakfast
 10
and to revise.
 11
call me a puppet but just know that
 12
if my lips were mine and not yours,
 13
i would say that i loved you more
 14
than these words could ever reassure
 15
myself that i do.
 16
 
 
because of you,
 17
i leave holes in my writing.
 18
but don't trouble yourself --
 19
i fill them in on Mondays.
 20
and i promise, love,
 21
that i will not stop
 22
until my veins or pens run dry.
 23

8 Mar 09


(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)



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Comments:

i always start my reading with a smile, until my veins or pen run dry... discussion... this is mushy, with to many words that try to get over a point... da-da-da-dah, da-da-da-dah. can you see this... lets see how the chips may fall j.g.smiles
 — goeszon

this feels frantic and disarrayed, it feels obsessed and consumed by this person.  i can relate.  well captured.
 — jerotich

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