poetry critical

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myodesopsia
flourides

i know i'm stuck there
 1
between yr. throat and
 2
that digesting thing so
 3
what does it feel like
 4
when i get thrown up
 5
who holds yr. hair back
 6
and how did all these specks
 7
get into my morning light
 8
 
 
you never said anything
 9
about my magnificent
 10
bottle collection filled
 11
with different amounts
 12
of stale beer, my
 13
divine orchestra set
 14
up so when a butterfly flaps
 15
its dusty wings over their lips
 16
someone gets drunk in china
 17
 
 
all i'm trying to
 18
say is stay away because
 19
i am something harder
 20
and harder
 21

10 Mar 09

Rated 7 (8.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 5, 7, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

discussing this is something harder and harder to do but i want you to know i read it over an over your lines are good for me, something gets lost in the writing though... the poet of prose a pickpocket of reality. ferlinghetti
j.g.smiles
 — goeszon

i like your entoptically phenomenal poem.
 — chuckle_s

intriguing, beautiful...
 — endlesstrain

one of the best written pieces here..

the voice, the sonics, the music are all very clear in this.. and it run melodically down the page..

a good read and listen..
 — Gynoid

thanks for this!
 — flourides

pitch perfect

i want to know how to write without needing punctuation!
 — peace

i must say "a must read"
and i'm so glad i did


read it.
: )
 — fractalcore

I liked a few of the directions you started here, but they all dead-ended into one another.
None of them were given a chance to develop...

Good end.  Expand it.
 — turboswami

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