poetry critical

online poetry workshop

the young poet

writes a mawkish
obtuse line,
dawdling and turgid
like a sick river.
he's twenty-two,
lives with his parents
and doesn't have a job.
he emails me once
or twice a month:
blows warm smoke up my ass
and asks for advice
on publishing and writing.
my only piece of advice
i type in all caps:
but he says
he's afraid
if he moved out
and had to get a job
he wouldn't have as much time
to edit and write
and perfect the craft.
then he usually tells me about
the newest book of poetry
he bought with his parent's money:
he's constantly reading
and editing
and honing his craft.
i don't have the heart to tell him
that between the job
and my son
and chasing women
i'm lucky to get two hours
three days a week
to write
but still publish twenty poems
for every one of his.
i've decided
the purest
most altruistic thing i can do
is beat his ass
right there on the spot
if we ever meet.
a little reality
into his peter pan mind:
or at the bare minimum
give him something vivid
and unequivocal
to write about.

11 Mar 09

Rated 10 (8.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 6, 7, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

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i like your young poet poem.
 — chuckle_s

me too.. and the upper case advice to him is spot on ;)
 — Gynoid

very easy to read and believe, good choices of words to be sure... Poetry an innate urge toward truth and beauty...ferlinghetti   j.g.smiles
 — goeszon

: )
 — fractalcore

very good and real writing, some of the best writers never write.
 — gjenkins

well writ with a wry wit flowing through it -- nothing dawdling 'n turgid here -- unequivical
 — AlchemiA

good work justin
 — AlchemiA

Storyteller's prose.
Seems a lot more honest somehow, eh?
Please don't hit me.
 — turboswami

prosaic poetry or poetic prose: the choice is yours
 — unknown

the world of Poetics according to User: kenny

I read poems but I don't write poems. If your poem is an exceptionally great one I will tell you so. If your poem really stinks I will say so. Any others will not receive a comment from me.

idiot alert!!!
 — unknown

i like this. good humor. nice ending.
 — arwilson1203

haha i shoulda mentioned i have some notion who the young poet in question is and if im correct i totally agree with the assessment in lines 1 and 2
 — chuckle_s

Damn thats a lot of funny words in the first stanza, be easy
warm smoke up the ass, good job, good good
we see that you typed in caps, man
You don't have the heart, huh?  Hard to believe
chasing women makes it sound kinda generic, like, the experience, because 'chasing women' is a phrase
cut that but still publish, sounds like youre trying to prove somthing, 'to write' is enough if its important
baby you lose me at the end because I don't believe you.  'beat his ass' ?  I don't believe you, old man
 — bykguy2000

this is a good self-stroking
and you know the difference i'm talking about.
hear it in the voice.  it's got to be assertive and sexy,
not all toffee-nosed.
also this has some great lines about the young dude
and your relationship
which makes the poem quite engaging.

i like this one
but for the ending; i would've liked to see it end with beating his ass right there on the spot.
 — jenakajoffer