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death is my favorite thought (for a friend)
Blitzgig

pattern grapes,
 1
golden-, yellow-, green,
 2
dead,the taste
 3
dead the laughter
 4
break bowl
 5
roll, scatter
 6
under the sky cupboard
 7
cloud bounce into my mouth
 8
(teeth between)
 9
face on floor
 10
against red tape.
 11
 
 
pals, two skin cells.
 12
both dead, grey
 13
from two different hosts
 14
fell two different days.
 15
hello, reach out
 16
wrist wasp, kiss hand.
 17
knock on the beehive door
 18
i am invited in.
 19
i cannot behave.
 20
i am not invited to stand.
 21
 
 
your color palette
 22
what it got you?
 23
nods, polite requests
 24
i am not satisfied here.
 25
'every day make an enemy'
 26
that what god etched behind my forehead.
 27
piano kite, i will play
 28
walking out the park one day
 29
walking out my suit skin
 30
please do not be afraid
 31
or feel guilt
 32
you were the lamp among chairs.
 33
everything is my enemy.
 34

20 Apr 09

Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 1, 9, 9

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Comments:

some good moves here with phrasings that get under the skin -- you've played a simple song with a beat-beat back end accompanied by a goth-surrealism bleeding from your pen --"pals, two skin cells" is my favorite line amongst well made allusions -- good work
 — AlchemiA

lines of this piece,  read well an are well place together, then the piece swings the other way to the worst... i wonder what you were doing... or was it me... proof read this and see... there is something wrong which stands out is here... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

The last two lines are to die for! Ha. Nice work
 — themolly

it's a 10-fave of mine.

: )
 — fractalcore

I was right there with you 1st and 3rd paragraph, hot stuff, but reconsider that last line, enemy belongs in the forehead good
 — bykguy2000

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