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death is my favorite thought (for a friend)

pattern grapes,
golden-, yellow-, green,
dead,the taste
dead the laughter
break bowl
roll, scatter
under the sky cupboard
cloud bounce into my mouth
(teeth between)
face on floor
against red tape.
pals, two skin cells.
both dead, grey
from two different hosts
fell two different days.
hello, reach out
wrist wasp, kiss hand.
knock on the beehive door
i am invited in.
i cannot behave.
i am not invited to stand.
your color palette
what it got you?
nods, polite requests
i am not satisfied here.
'every day make an enemy'
that what god etched behind my forehead.
piano kite, i will play
walking out the park one day
walking out my suit skin
please do not be afraid
or feel guilt
you were the lamp among chairs.
everything is my enemy.

20 Apr 09

Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 1, 9, 9

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some good moves here with phrasings that get under the skin -- you've played a simple song with a beat-beat back end accompanied by a goth-surrealism bleeding from your pen --"pals, two skin cells" is my favorite line amongst well made allusions -- good work
 — AlchemiA

lines of this piece,  read well an are well place together, then the piece swings the other way to the worst... i wonder what you were doing... or was it me... proof read this and see... there is something wrong which stands out is here... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

The last two lines are to die for! Ha. Nice work
 — themolly

it's a 10-fave of mine.

: )
 — fractalcore

I was right there with you 1st and 3rd paragraph, hot stuff, but reconsider that last line, enemy belongs in the forehead good
 — bykguy2000