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Nun too alike
Kassidy

Me mother and I,
 1
we be not quite the same:
 2
 
 
for my dream is to pray, pray, pray -
 3
 
 
YES to chastity!
 4
Oh Sweet Mother Mary!
 5
 
 
Let God maim my soul,
 6
O,
 7
make me comfy in my
 8
habit-hat –  
 9
no grandkids for you, Mother!
 10
 
 
That's right,
 11
no little runny nosed tots
 12
chewing on my crucifix!
 13
 
 
I write away my days
 14
send my letters home to Mom,
 15
 
 
Oh, I can see it now!
 16
yes, bury your head in shame
 17
that a celibate I became.
 18

repost

a non-entry-joke-entry for a silly silly contest.

22 Apr 09

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (0):

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(21 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Past Comments

cool. funny stuff,

loser.
– DeformedLion

haha :)
– mindbodysoul

yahoo!
: )
– fractalcore

heehee :)

oh the fun that comes of motivation.
– mindbodysoul

haha, that's really cute, mbs.
love the rebellious child.
– jenakajoffer

yes, well untrue as it is, it is only my (somewhat joke) entry for DeformedLion' motherhood contest. "No poems about nuns" :D
– mindbodysoul

saving silverman
– dustybottoms

I remember that movie...it was aired on CBC a couple years ago I think.
I don't remember what it was about though. Enlighten me/
– mindbodysoul

oopsie that '/' was supposed to be a '?'
– mindbodysoul

very ......ahhhh.......ummm........sweet? NICE!
– Thirteen

ahhhhh.....ummm......thanks. :)
– mindbodysoul

good poem
– stout

nice twist in such a simple move.
– raskolniikov

haha very witty i must say!i am a christian but ive always thought the idea of becoming a nun stupid.i just dont think God expects that from us.this is a good- natured poem and i believe the author also does not agree with the idea of becoming a nun...
– Tamar

"chewing on my crucifix"

you're on fire baby, you should cool off, i think, but that's just me.
– Odin

odin's write you should leave the religion out of your poetry, you're shaving it too close.
– unknown

We all have our opinions.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against nuns, this is just what I came up with when confronted with the task of creating a poem about mothers and nuns. It is a cute, humourous piece, and nothing more.
And there is always freedom of speech my dear. What do you say to the writings of religious base who say much worse things about their opponents than this tame little piece here?

Religion should stay out of politics, and if you haven't noticed, I'm not the Prime Minister.

I haven't seen many remarks denouncing people who praise God in their poems...
– mindbodysoul

religion stay out of poetry? since when should we put limits on what we write? only write about certain things? zero fun.
– dustybottoms

exactly, thanks, db.
– mindbodysoul

i'm so sorry, i didn't know you were praising The Creator in your poem.
– Odin

I'm not praising your Creator, dude.
Nor am I bashing him.

okay? does that work for you?
– mindbodysoul

http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/49944/
– Odin

does that work for you?
– Odin

i gave you an 8 for the poetry part of it all by the way
– Odin

huh? why did you send me a link to my own poem?
°conFUSED° :S
oh and thanks, an 8 is a worthy rating.
– mindbodysoul

Oops. I mean I click on it and it says it's an invalid url.
– mindbodysoul

just change the numbers in your browser. to those of the link.
– DeformedLion

yeah, that worked. Thanks :)
– mindbodysoul

a devilishly clever piece with a light touch that made it sweet -- what a treat -- the role of our children is to break 'way from the icons of the past -- iconoclasts and rouge agents 'SIN-the-sizing' the DNA dreams and nightmares of Mom and Dad into something new to do -- Nature grows us to a certain point and then we've gotta take over -- Dream on pome writer
– AlchemiA

thanks AlchemiA :D
– mindbodysoul

The style really speaks to me here as a sort of irish hamlet girl, which works wonderfully. The childishness strongly repels me though, because it takes away subtlety of the shaft the daughter is doing to the mother. It is quite obvious with the imagery in stanza 6 and 9, and doesn't need the kind of obtuse denotation of the NO WAY!/HA! that marks amateurism.

specifics:

line 8/9 is kind of pushing it in the style.
change "ooh," to "O" for wordplay and style reasons.
the rhyme of line 10 isn't doing its thing, but line 20's is.

the snobbish immaturity of everything past line 10 kind of ruins it (everything in CAPS, that is.)
line 16-20 are ok though, and the "no grandchildren for you" is also, if done less bombastically.

you have a solid foundation for a great poem, and the style clean-up I recommend will definitely help.
I won't rate yet.
– Virgil

Thanks, I'll try it that way.
– mindbodysoul
 — Kassidy

this repost deserves a reread.


and


i deserved the pleasure i derived.


re-10-faving.
: )
 — fractalcore

thank-you
 — Kassidy

Reminds me of John Donne.

Batter my heart three person'd God
 — Ananke

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