poetry critical

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running in the cemetery on a sunday morning

hung over
after another saturday night
of boomerang gibberish
at the waveland.
marvin gaye
on the
down past
the pond:
sprint up
the half mile
gravel hill
at the
ancient end:
the top
puke stomach acid
on mrs thelma jones:
born 1876
died 1937.
nietzsche said
it's men
with multiple virtues
who go insane.
three more laps
and i'll feel good
about the case of bud-light
i'm going to drink
this afternoon.

8 May 09

Rated 10 (7.2) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (9): 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

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Cool poem describing a feverish beer drinker and the graveyard of his evening well
 — larrylark

Lot's of light... at the ancient end... vivid... this afternoon...i'll go three more laps for the Bud... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Very nice
So... Would thi sbe based off a real Sunday night with ms. Thelma Jones?
 — Stinetuck

I absolutely LOVE the creativity in L's 20-23; very, very true and cool of you to observe exactly where you puked.  This could only happen inside a cemetary and you note it perfectly.  I find L's 28-32 a little "easy" and those don't compare at all with the rest of it.  Maybe (just a suggestion) you could leave it at L27 and put the "bud light" reference somewhere else PRE the puking so it connects?  Like this!  Like walking in cemetaries too.  Very peaceful.  :-)
 — starr

: )
 — fractalcore

I concur with that quote by Nietzche and add Virgils -- All men (includes the woman) make gods of their desire -- here you've shown the conflicting virtues 'n vices that make up our Mythologies of the conflicted Hero we are in this age of, 'nothings either wrong or right but thinking makes it so' -- the Poet escalates his write with contrasts so it lifts off the page into the readers mind making your angushes his -- a writeous write justin time
 — AlchemiA

finally a poem that looks good
 — infinity

Great read...very vivid.
 — psychofemale

this is interesting...good write..
 — brother_sun

Nice puking climax - I love the image of the poet puking and then stopping to read the grave inscription. I also like the one word descriptive lines such as "fog" and "geese" but I think it would be cool to place more of them throughout.
Goood work - made me chuckle.
 — Josephseth11

This reminds me how much I f*ing love poetry.  
 — Infrangible