poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Dance with the Veils of Thought

Words slip n' slide, peek n' hide,
coyly tease behind veil of thought.
Erudite lure, brazenly dangled
--sybaritic siren song of pulchritudinous promise.
But for all our reachings and grabbings,
fickle lexicon oft recants its linguistic offerings.
The sublime and sensual pleasures
we imagine conquered fail to find fruition.
Impotent and flaccid,
best lines degenerate to amateur fumblings.
The muse's bow is shooting blanks.
But sometimes
--sometimes motion and timing coalesce
and we fair dance upon the paper in hedonistic abandon.
Witness the choreography of the poet
--executed to perfection.
The words,
Oh!, the words!
When coupled in righteousness,
trip the light.

24 May 09

Rated 10 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (4): 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


AlchemiAc in tone.
: )
 — fractalcore

I will take that as a compliment--thank you.
 — unknown

it flourishes and writhes and arouses itself across the page .. in spoken word.. this needs the exclamation at the end!

enjoyed reading and speaking  this ..
 — Feminoid


Thank you for the read and the encouraging, positive comment.
 — unknown

Would very much appreciate some additional feedback on this piece--thanks in advance.
 — unknown

Tripping - off the page, off the tongue, Oh the words!  This is fun but it's also quite ripe with thought-fruits, truth told from experience.

I love the imaginative phrases, the adult sounds, humor in white sneaks below the crisply creased polite words.  
 — Isabelle5

Okay, to the business of writing.  You might need a comma end of line 1, so that line 2 is not just a phrase without a subject.  You might consider no having And in line 17 - other than those two things, nothing to change that would add to this in any way.  
 — Isabelle5


Thanks so much for your your thoughtful comment.  I've made the changes you suggested and believe this to be the better for it.

 — unknown

..... :)
 — unknown

psst - who are you?  
 — Isabelle5

Hey Isabelle, it's me!  Hmmm...not sure why I posted this as unk....too long ago to remember now!  
 — sybarite

Excellent poem . Well told
 — cassell