poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Poem for a poet

Your verse falls upon my skin
trailing goosebumps in its wake;
The languid caress of syllables,
The resonance of rhyme, intoxicates
like drops of sweetest wine.
You weave stanzas into tapestries
stained with ethereal landscapes
to enthrall, choose each word
with a jeweler's eye, knowing
the glittering facets would seduce.
Yet I suspect, beyond the skein
of iridescent words, throb the lips
of a festering wound; your lyrical seduction,
but an anodyne to ease a jaded soul.

27 May 09

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


great 3rd strophe.

i wonder if you could somehow
rewrite |5 or drop it altogether.

but that's just me, of course.
: )
 — fractalcore

hmmm yeah...i think it will read better if i drop L5...thanks! :)
 — cebukitty

well, drop it already.
can't stand any more of its taste.

kidding, hehe.
: )
 — fractalcore

hmm okay consider this revision:

your verse falls
on skin, trailing
goosebumps, languid
syllables resonating;
intoxicating drops.

stanzas stain ethereal
landscapes - enthralled:
choosing words carefully
as setting gems.

yet beyond the skein
of iridescent verbs,
your wounds throb
like lips -- one kiss
for a jaded soul
 — cebukitty

now that reads a lot better.

when did you write the the old one?
: )
 — fractalcore

fractalcore:  when exactly?  a lifetime ago :)

here you go, further revisions.  i'm rusty at this so forgive the constant edits :)

verse falls on skin
trailing goosebumps...
languid syllables

stanzas stain
ethereal landscapes: enthralled:
setting words as carefully
as glittering gems.

beyond the skein of
iridescent verbs,
wounds throb, bloody edges
puckered like lips:  a kiss
for jaded souls.
 — cebukitty

i like the 2nd version though
where your line breaks work

but you can post all of these
versions as variations ( see,
you've already started a trend
in PC, trashpoodle )

: )
 — fractalcore