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Noise Annoys

I cannot watch a Newscast without escaping common themes
shoot-outs, kidnappings, cartel violence, innocent screams
this jigsaw aligns itself, piece by piece
but the final image, complete thought
is not sure domestic peace
Deducing National Analysis, Rational Hypothesis
this time, we are spinning the downwards spiral
man inflicts his own wounds but blames the sky
blames his neighbors
blames the rye
he grows through paranoia, and saves
stocks for the apocalypse
"The police won't defend me", he claims
He sprays down those who curse his name
Self-ruling anarchy put to the test
he pleads the second we plead for rest
We are all stretched
the dollar isn't as flexible as it used to be
but that should not be the justification of this path
desperate souls cite desperate times
and leave out one important note:
our fathers did not battle a global recession
while checking their Facebook page
he took away our fiber-optics in protest of superiors
but this act of revenge just proved to be inferior
Ok, jokes over, let me call my Grandma
I want to ask her about her day
I want to share what my surroundings took away
I want to hear her voice another time
you call this act martyrdom, I call it a crime
His revenge, health, and future may have been compromised
but he cut the phone lines, and somebody's Grandmother died.
To get over this loss, you straighten your own line
on mirrors
snorting coke, smoking crack, burning snuff
this altered mindset fuels you now
and inspires you to sit down
and enjoy.
Hell, "noise annoys"
and I blame society because
society cannot defend itself.

2 Jun 09

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If I were to label this, it would be 'street wise' poetry.  It's written very well and has a nice flow...
~Nicely Done~
 — JKWeb

thanks, I think I am getting into a nice heavy-text rhythm
 — cubbzor

One thing that I forgot to mention in my initial comment...I feel that you don't need the footnote at the conclusion as you've said it all within the poem...
 — JKWeb

i like this poem a lot, Cubbzor. you carried this out all the way through. i think that lines twenty-eight through thirty are innocently worded, with the "I" in the front and the actual wording itself ... doesn't read like a list. don't quite know how to explain it ... do you know what i mean, though?

anyway, great words of wit, like the popular culture references. made this feel current and satirical, which was of course the point. my only suggestion is either deleting the footnote, as it can be implied, or integrating it into the poem. either choice if you decide to choose one is questionable, but the footnote almost distracts ... but i still like the footnote itself, and yet, asking you to delete it?

just seems suggested, i suppose. your view of things is very nice to read, though.

 — listen

also, nice use of speech with line thirteen.
 — listen

Thank you very much for that advice listen, I'm still thinking of ways to change L28-30. I deleted the footnote and wrote something similar to it at the very end. Does that look better?
 — cubbzor

it does look better, yes. though i won't deny i would like to see you insert "and" before "I" on line forty-one, making the very last two stanzas connected:

Hell, "noise annoys"

and I blame society because
society cannot defend itself.

optional, of course. but good change, as is.

and, great poem.
 — listen

your suggestion is my correction. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate it
 — cubbzor

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