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Water
zepplin42

Water rushes past his legs.
 1
          He tries to keep up.
 2
Water rushes past his hand.
 3
          He tries to keep up.
 4
He's unsure of what he wants,
 5
          He tries to keep up.
 6
Swimming toward the deeper end.
 7
          He tries to keep up.
 8
 
 
He's stained her heart again.
 9
          She starts to break up.
 10
He's pissed her off again.
 11
          She starts to break up.
 12
Beneath the razor haze of purple skies,
 13
          She starts to break up.
 14
She watches him swim to the deeper end.
 15
          She starts to break up.
 16
 
 
July turns to him one cold ear.
 17
          He tries to peep up.
 18
July digs down under his skin.
 19
          He tries to peep up.
 20
The lake embraces his face's tear.
 21
          He tries to peep up.
 22
He struggles, now, in the deep end.
 23
          He tries to peep up.
 24
 
 
Where color of kiss meets the color of night,
 25
          She starts to make up.
 26
If he stops to love his life,
 27
          She starts to make up.
 28
When tear-floods dear engulf his hand,
 29
          She starts to make up.
 30
They find him face-down floating in the deep end.
 31
          She starts to make up.
 32

Co-written with my best friend, January through March of 2002. Final revision 14.2.4.

24 Feb 04

Rated 7 (7.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (7): 1, 1, 7, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

wow, this poem is very deep. I love it.
its gonna be one of my favorites
 — lalalala

this is great, why aren't more people reading it and commenting on it? Like the reptetion.
 — SeraphSoul

i guess more people aren't commenting because it's a bit hard to understand? i don't really get this myself, i like the imagery, the words, and all that, but i don't get the general gist of it.
 — wendz

Yep. You are most certainly a musician, my dear.

I love this just for the sound of it alone.

"They find him face-down floating in the deep end."

Ouch. A little late, no?
 — elysium

Aw, wendz, you're right, of course— I just hadn't noticed it. But to make it simple, read the repeating lines. They tell "the story". The changing lines are the poetic filler. It's a very basic thing:
"He tries to keep up,
She starts to break up.
He tries to peep up,
She starts to make up."

And for all the aspiring poets out there with 4-line poems, let this be an inspiration.
-zepp
 — zepplin42

Holy f@#$!, this is good stuff--gotta love how it makes your mind somehow picture everything while still hanging on every word. Please, you and your friend, write more!
 — FangzOfFire

now i feel really, really, dumb...but whats he peeping up about? does that mean hes trying to speak up? *puzzled*
 — wendz

HEY I found a way this could be better! Instead of the "he's" in L9 and 11, have "he has". It makes it flow better, and relieves the awkwardness of the apostrophes. Still a 10. Rock on, Zep.
 — FangzOfFire

OH and it should be called "Deep End" or something like, not "Water". Okay, I'll shut up now.
 — FangzOfFire

Fangz, that's a pretty good suggestion for the flow. This was written as a song, so the rhythmic flow is a bit different sung. But if it makes a better poem I might change it. And thank you for that title suggestion.
-z
 — zepplin42

Ravaging.
 — greenwall

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