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Wet Thing

Distilled in a glass vial, silky
as lip gloss.  Smoldering
near the aquarium, marine life
in a tantric fever.  Octopi avoid
the logic of waves; a blue hand
in the room.

25 Jun 09

Rated 8 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 8, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(13 more poems by this author)

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whoa - this is very cool. I was blown away by the last line. That image will be with me for the rest of the day!
 — Cocoa

    How can i comment on smoldering near aquarium, unless it's a smoke,a fine cigar, an issue you can't ignore... the logic of blue wavering smoke from that very cigar, 100 dollars easy... J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

Goeszon, why are you asking me how you can comment on my piece?  That's your problem, if you make it one.  And I don't care that it doesn't make sense to you if you won't use textual evidence to show me why or to give a suggestion for improvement.  I get that there is a juxtaposition between fire and water in this piece, because I wrote it.
 — SodaKid

lovely little image at the end. what's with the missing period at the end?
 — aerol

Sultry and deep as an aquarium in a sexy-dark room...I can very much picture such a place, the lone light of a space otherwise dark for things best taken by eye-blind, stoking hands.  Another fine example of your comfort, ease, and skill with communicating the sensual.  Simpler, therefore more tongue-in-cheek than other of your work that I've read, this is accessible while retaining a certain alluring obscurity.
 — nestunepipe

cool how the poem itself is liquidy, the imagery slips right through your consciousness and builds up from under.  i'm partial to "You can't ignore the logic of waves" right after "tantric fever".  i read tantric fever to be the climax of the piece, and if more water follows it would evaporate..
 — moren

I appreciate the interpretation, moren.  I originally wrote the poem in a format that flowed across the page in wavering lines.  But, I couldn't figure out how to make it work in the space I was provided here.  I'm glad that people enjoy this piece, because i usually don't write like this.  I've been experimenting with short pieces like this, with slower rhythms and that are less narrative.  Actually, I was inspired a lot by aerol's work.
 — SodaKid

line 1 vial
 — unknown

Thanx, unknown.  I totally missed that.  It's funny, I was saying that the whole thing was repulsive.
 — SodaKid

There is absolutely no way to connect the dots.
nope, none. You need to find a way to connect them to an anchor in the
poem, otherwise this just floats, no hangs, in the air and wafts away
with the wind. And, marine life in a tantra fever?Do you know
anything about tantra? I think you should read about the subject.
And the ending, blue hand in the room, what the f-
 — unknown

It's up to you to connect the dots.  I intended no meaning for this poem.  This poem is about the language and only about the language.  The words are the objects here, not their meaning and anyone is free to use their own creativity to interpret it.  I wasn't taking any of the concepts in this poem seriously.  It just feels good to me.
As far as your suggestion that I have to have an in depth understanding of every word I use in a poem, I don't know any more about the distillation process, marine life, or the scientific principles of waves than I do about the varieties of tantra and tantric practices.  I know a little about all of them.  I was interested in its cultural connotations, not its definition and I often work from that standpoint when writing.  Although, it's interesting that you brought up the word "tantric" because I've been going back and forth with myself, trying to decide if I should change it.  It does sound like I'm name-dropping.  I may change it, when I come up with a better word that doesn't have so much meaning attached to it.
 — SodaKid

smoldering is one word here that doesn't seem to belong.
same with words like 'always', they are so...bad, unless they end a poem.
i'd lose "a" L4
and 'the' L5.
marine life, is kind of boring to say.
this might be more interesting if there was more creation.
i don't know what the logic of waves means.

i'm sorry i don't see what you're intending.
my opinion means nothing, people liked it.
you must be pleased.
thank you.
 — jenakajoffer

the 'you' of line 4 creates a connection
with this reader, that was not an asset to the poem.
i'd consider altering the poem to maintain the third-person
descriptive nature of it.
 — unknown

Thank you, unknown.  You have a good point.  I will consider it.
 — SodaKid

Agreed about the you in line four. This is an interesting thing you've been doing in your poetry, trying to separate meaning from the language. I'll be on the lookout for more of your work to see how your venture goes (if you continue?).

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

 — Ananke

experimenting with line 4.  Took out the "you", but then I had to lose the "can't", because it doesn't go with "octopi".  
I'm always open to further suggestions/changes.
It might get worse before it gets better, so keep telling me what doesn't work.
 — SodaKid

lip gloss feels more sticky than silky to me, but that's just me.
 — Anachocolata

Much improved, I have to say.
 — aerol

where's the sodakid these days?

anyway, re-reading i'm quite reminded of frankenstein, book 3 which was a horrible novel (Koontz), and a huge disappointment as the finale.  despite my ill feelings for the book, the part that puts me in mind of the poem was truly interesting, about the colour blue and cold, and a chameleon.  creation.

i have a new fangled appreciation for your poem.
thanks sodie.
 — jenakajoffer