poetry critical

online poetry workshop



on the thermodynamics of coffee
noodleman

sanguine were the languid dawns
 1
so long before the glow behind
 2
her eyes became a burning;
 3
she would leave for me, each day,
 4
 
 
on paper napkins, dainty notes
 5
in catholic cursive hand. She'd tuck
 6
them underneath a bodum, chock
 7
with hot french roast, rough grounds
 8
 
 
pressed tight between bright metal
 9
springs and pyrex beaker: experiment
 10
in proving love could last beyond
 11
her passion’s presence midst bed
 12
 
 
sheets. I'd shrug off sleep within
 13
her galley kitchen, sip hot coffee
 14
(just enough to craft a buzz) then pour
 15
the rest into the sink, preferring mocha
 16
 
 
over ice. I'd rinse the drain out clean;
 17
no need to bruise her heart with my desire
 18
to custom make my world. Then, settling
 19
back into her chair I'd trace the whorls
 20
 
 
she left for eager eyes that still embraced
 21
those tender, tendrilled words. But eyes
 22
that once brimmed full with life fell fallow
 23
when forgotten by a heart that grew
 24
 
 
apart from hand. Six years hence
 25
have slowly stolen them away; these easy hands
 26
that once would write my world, now hard,
 27
will build instead a wall betwixt, with bricks
 28
 
 
of silence—mortared by familiarity. But still
 29
I wake to java: black and bitter brew is left
 30
for me in kitchen, ours, shared separately,
 31
the notes unwritten now, the coffee icy cold.
 32

29 Jun 09

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

for listen
 — noodleman

sanguine . . . lanquid . . .  um . .. betwixt?

whoa. this is like sum bitch shit i would write

okay.

1. be pithy
2. if you cannot be pithy then you better have a damn good poem
3. next time, try putty


yours

puta
 — unknown

thanks for reading puta
 — noodleman

i thought you 'left the building'


how come?
 — unknown

you are most very welcom, poodleman

Pootah
 — unknown

thanks for posting this. i like the title a lot, you incorporated it into the poem sufficiently to say the least.

please don't tweak this, if you can help it. i'm not sure how much your revisions changed this, but i like the core of the poem, like the way you wrote it.

keep it up.
 — listen

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

you owe me a new pair of grundies

poet on potty
 — unknown

you should stick to titles

and T
 — unknown

i guess i have a small suggestion though. i'm wondering if "icy cold" might read better "ice cold," simply because of the connotations that has. it was the way i read it at first.

but that suggestion is just that. completely up to you, just glad to see this. it reads fine either way.
 — listen

empathy for enthalpy
 — unknown

new-dull:

some brix died off duh wall of pop juxtaposed
end betwixt anti-pop culture pressures.

yore java bruce well width duh lay-dee serving it.

: )
 — fractalcore

listen:

gooed too sea ewe hear.
eye now see wear yore enjambments
calm from.

duh man ease contagious.

: )
 — fractalcore

empathy for enthalpy. thats hilarious. me likey.

what size u need teh grundies?

ice t or mister t? ill eat yo balls suckah,
 — noodleman

really impressive writing, wording very dense.

will read this a few times through.:)
 — syrossoul

thanks syrossoul
 — noodleman

italicize
 — unknown

its all it ties
 — noodleman

Hey, this is old and still good, like ...wait, does coffee get better with age?  haha  Not a drinker, I prefer tea.  Nice to see it again, Noonoo.
 — Isabelle5

thanks isa
 — unknown

why did you come back?

you left

in such drama





we dont forget
 — unknown

glad to be remembered.
 — unknown

i have good drama medication now. whats your excuse for lurking? :)
 — unknown

i dont need one
 — unknown

too shay
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)
    0.632s