poetry critical

online poetry workshop



legal in the south
noodleman

boy up the street
 1
bangs once then rings
 2
dog goes crazy
 3
the umpteenth time,
 4
alerting us all
 5
to the obvious
 6
 
 
in bulls
 7
a wee old man
 8
mama's mohawk near grown in
 9
frog galoshes
 10
trail mud
 11
across our dirty floor
 12
 
 
he, my son, the dog
 13
line up rockets, bombs, fountains
 14
on a carpet
 15
the color of a bruise,
 16
brew big plans
 17
sotto voce
 18
 
 
but before wwiii
 19
can get underway
 20
the grandma sounds retreat;
 21
her voice cuts through the evening
 22
like a hacksaw
 23
through a rusty
 24
pipe
 25

5 Jul 09

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

happy fourth pc
 — noodleman

Up to your old tricks noodl. Bit selfish announcing your poems on both lists. It's not as if your stuff is going to be ignored.
 — unknown

dear unk,
youre right. that is selfish. ill not do that again.
 — noodleman

For being a decent chap I'm bumping you up to the top. still haven't deciphered stanza 2 but enjoyed your wii play (am assuming it was nintentional) :)
 — unknown

clever. the last stanza has life of its own, the whole poem centering on a prankster motif, but the very last stanza written in a way that lets you imagine the grandma coming to ruin the show before things get out of control. you wrote it in a way that does that, as the last stanza really is its own thing, setting it apart but not in a bad way.

there isn't a better title for this poem.
 — listen

unk

in bulls (brysen, the little boy, is short and stout. moves like a bull)
7
a wee old man (see above. he's like a miniature old man)
8
mama's mohawk near grown in (should explain itself. his unfortunate haircut.)
9
frog galoshes (dissonance i find humorous. he is gruff yet wears festive shoes)
10
trail mud (always)
11
across our dirty floor (we have a dirty floor)

listen: appreciate the read, comments.
 — noodleman

Cheers, nood. Feel completely stupid - for some reason the "in bulls" completely flummoxed me on first reading. A very likeable poem. unk :)
 — unknown

fanks unk
 — noodleman

I strongly believe every grandmothers voice cuts through the evening like a hacksaw through a rusty pipe! Especially when intervening wwiii (hilarious, by the way). I'm in love with the line breaks, the word umpteenth, frog galoshes, brewing big plans. All so tasty.  Also, the use of "the" grandma had me laugh aloud. Mostly, this is a wonderfully sweet insight of a moment, and I thank you for the read.

Sincerely,
 — shadowskiss

where i come from, on july 4th, i was high up
north braving an 800-ft pure assault climb to
the summit of this hill which harbors venomous
snakes and some huge parasitic flowers.

i was like a frog limping in the mud with friends
and my younger brother and i was a kid again
saying "wish i could do this all the time" sotto
voce, hehehe.

this is a nicely-captured moment, noodle...
colorful imagery, humor, innocence and all.

nice-sounding words, too.

: )
 — fractalcore

italicize
 — unknown

a stallions eyes
 — noodleman

what's it about then ? Is this about the potential down side of the right to bare arms?  
 — unknown

guns solve everything
 — unknown

  air tickets 85493 air tickets 148
 — unknown

  casino games qwd flight cheap >:))) air tickets :-)))
 — unknown

  business insurance costs 57770 cheap life insurance xgupl cheap health insurance =[[[
 — unknown

  business insurance 24271 discount auto insurance 650321 car insurance in florida 376
 — unknown

  life insurance 74271 first health insurance %-] new york car insurance dcjot car insurence 278
 — unknown

0.344s