| legal in the south
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noodleman
| boy up the street | 1 |
bangs once then rings | 2 |
dog goes crazy | 3 |
the umpteenth time, | 4 |
alerting us all | 5 |
to the obvious | 6 |
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in bulls | 7 |
a wee old man | 8 |
mama's mohawk near grown in | 9 |
frog galoshes | 10 |
trail mud | 11 |
across our dirty floor | 12 |
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he, my son, the dog | 13 |
line up rockets, bombs, fountains | 14 |
on a carpet | 15 |
the color of a bruise, | 16 |
brew big plans | 17 |
sotto voce | 18 |
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but before wwiii | 19 |
can get underway | 20 |
the grandma sounds retreat; | 21 |
her voice cuts through the evening | 22 |
like a hacksaw | 23 |
through a rusty | 24 |
pipe | 25 |
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5 Jul 09 |
Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(25 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
happy fourth pc
— noodleman
Up to your old tricks noodl. Bit selfish announcing your poems on both lists. It's not as if your stuff is going to be ignored.
— unknown
dear unk,
youre right. that is selfish. ill not do that again.
— noodleman
For being a decent chap I'm bumping you up to the top. still haven't deciphered stanza 2 but enjoyed your wii play (am assuming it was nintentional) :)
— unknown
clever. the last stanza has life of its own, the whole poem centering on a prankster motif, but the very last stanza written in a way that lets you imagine the grandma coming to ruin the show before things get out of control. you wrote it in a way that does that, as the last stanza really is its own thing, setting it apart but not in a bad way.
there isn't a better title for this poem.
— listen
unk
in bulls (brysen, the little boy, is short and stout. moves like a bull)
7
a wee old man (see above. he's like a miniature old man)
8
mama's mohawk near grown in (should explain itself. his unfortunate haircut.)
9
frog galoshes (dissonance i find humorous. he is gruff yet wears festive shoes)
10
trail mud (always)
11
across our dirty floor (we have a dirty floor)
listen: appreciate the read, comments.
— noodleman
Cheers, nood. Feel completely stupid - for some reason the "in bulls" completely flummoxed me on first reading. A very likeable poem. unk :)
— unknown
fanks unk
— noodleman
I strongly believe every grandmothers voice cuts through the evening like a hacksaw through a rusty pipe! Especially when intervening wwiii (hilarious, by the way). I'm in love with the line breaks, the word umpteenth, frog galoshes, brewing big plans. All so tasty. Also, the use of "the" grandma had me laugh aloud. Mostly, this is a wonderfully sweet insight of a moment, and I thank you for the read.
Sincerely,
— shadowskiss
where i come from, on july 4th, i was high up
north braving an 800-ft pure assault climb to
the summit of this hill which harbors venomous
snakes and some huge parasitic flowers.
i was like a frog limping in the mud with friends
and my younger brother and i was a kid again
saying "wish i could do this all the time" sotto
voce, hehehe.
this is a nicely-captured moment, noodle...
colorful imagery, humor, innocence and all.
nice-sounding words, too.
: )
— fractalcore
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— unknown
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— noodleman
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