poetry critical

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noose die've
fractalcore

prey,
 1
eyelids soft-lee turned
 2
out-words
 3
too duh brake off
 4
dei
 5
 
 
opus sit[s],
 6
pooled a-weigh
 7
 
 
up, dare,
 8
tease it,
 9
ease it,
 10
sit
 11
 
 
heav'[n]lee
 12
[s]till
 13
 
 
opus dei'soft-
 14
lee...
 15




http://i43.tinypic.com/rc819e.jpg


written may 2, 2009
a prequel to crash coarse



with special thanks to:
trashpoodle, AlchemiA & starr

to one particular unknown:
no, this is not a book but a
page in someone's book of life.

: )

9 Jul 09


(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

woohh. that's really good, mr. core -- really nice moves in this. very cool to do this too! thanks very much!

'dei opus', pulled me way inside and gnarly, and 'up, dare...' was the glistening counter. wow.
– trashpoodle

You're a bit above me but thanks all the same.
– unknown

this takes me above and over any zen-ith. too bad i could'nt steal anymore of your Golden ink
– syrossoul

oops, day took, eat, a whey!

but no, nothing's stolen nor restored
neither above nor beneath, not cool nor bad,
no good nor sad...

only the deathless rippling of thoughts
blanketing an otherwise calm contrasting
undertow as when the pen oscillates
between trough and crest all throughout.

we waver till we get to pen a waiver
for the quest.

: )
– fractalcore

thanks for reading, guys.

: )
– fractalcore

fraCtal po8try with many inflections sounding around inside with many reflections bouncing off the mirrors of my minds eye -- oPus die, eh? -- in a thrift of words arch-ing overtones 'n invertendo'd, loaded with liberty 'n inuendo -- nicely done fracTaled one
– AlchemiA

thanks so much, Alc.

i must tell you, though, that this piece
and its sequel are primarily fueled by
the emotions evoked by the antithesis
of the togetherness in that picture.

: )
– fractalcore

there is a limit on how much food you can leave for the hamster
– chuckle_s

yeah, but you can keep on clicking
the mouse for all you want.

i once thought hamsters were mice, too.
: )
– fractalcore

chuckles is fasting now --
– AlchemiA

the hamster can eat five viddles but then must have a drink
– chuckle_s

well, he can subsequently eat more than that.


sorry about the sleepy birdie;
the snorring can get a bit annoying.
: )
– fractalcore

yeah i turned it off
mustve been female ;)
– chuckle_s

but snoring isn't like nagging

or is it?
: )
– fractalcore

the sailor looks like hes flatulent
– chuckle_s

Okay, this is a lot of fun, good.  But no one can tell you anything constructive because it's all sound, huh.  But pretty sound.  Tease it, ease it
– bykguy2000

Aren't you so cute!  Your stuff is so unique and so funny and hey, I had a nice run for two weeks at the top, so now I hand over the poetry torch to YOU!  :-)
– starr

OMG!  YOU WERE #1 Top Rated & #1 Recent Best and then poof!  You went back down to #2 on both lists!  Anyway, you're next up at the plate when the torch is passed, Frac.  :-)  
– starr

Et ignotas animum dimminit in artes...
– unknown

ey chuck,

he's trying to make it look like
he's trying to release the gas
through the 'scope butt, er but
his ass's actually connected to
the smokestack by a catheter.

; )
– fractalcore

hi bykguy2000,

nice name there. the sound scheme seems
the most prevalent move in this, eh? lemme
try it in the normal mode here:

>>

pray,
eyelids softly turned
outwards
to the break of
day

opus sits, blankly (or: opposites, blankly)
pulled away

up there, (or: up, dare,)
tease it,
ease it,
sit

heavily (or: heavenly)
still (or: till)

opus dies soft-
ly...

>>

of course you know-tease the pun on opus dei as
a phrase and individual words, right? dei is meant
to show facets of 'day' and 'gawd' here so now i'll
await your other comment on this and please be
harsh if you have to.

thanks for reading.

: )
– fractalcore

hi starr,

this is partially inspired by your "Pray I'll Age
Softly like the Other Good Men". i think i've been
having the urge to write something along that line
regarding that picture i linked and your piece turned
out to be a real big nudge for me to do it.

staying up the charts is a secondary pleasure we
derive from this PC business and our precious babies
also get to age softly, if not drastically fast, right there
in the list.

nothing to fuss about really; your post deserves to stay
longer up there.

thanks for reading this and for the inspiration.
: )
thanks for
– fractalcore

please ignore the excessive 'thanks for'.

: )
– fractalcore

to the last unk:

can you pls tell me what that means?
sorry, my latin is not that good.

: )
– fractalcore

Awwww, Frac.... :-)  I'm proud of you and I'm glad my poem served in some way to give u the "nudge" u were after.  Yay!
– starr

Poetry Torch? whaT the fuck is this, the poem olympics??
– unknown

right, unky.

this is not the olympics.
it is the jungle.



growl!!!
: )
– fractalcore

and four straight 1's here?
oh, that's really endearing...
thank you so much.

: )
– fractalcore

welcome to the one-agains fract -- a write of passage here at PC! ;) especially if you like poodles
– AlchemiA

s'ok, Alc.

just needed to wave hello to them
ones end fore all.

free-kin nee-one-dare-tolls, hehe.
; )
– fractalcore

it's a bumpee day...
: )
– fractalcore

hmm...
: )
– fractalcore

bump.

: )
– fractalcore

the problem with deconstructive textualisational architecture, a bauhausian intersecting of perfect lines by perfect curves, is that it needs skill, and you have some, though the foundations of your constructs can be very weak, and this affects the rest of the structures you employ.
line six is an example of this.
amusing, interesting, with an obvious effort that the reader can see the pleasure you have when writing this type of language chop-shop work.
it is weak writing, however, and the style disguises that.
– unknown

hi again, dear unk.

line 6 should read
opus sits, blankly (or: opposites, blankly).
does that elicit a change in opinion?

glad you enjoyed the architecture, nonetheless.
: )
– fractalcore

yes, i read it by deconstructing the deconstruction and reconstituting back into the language you jigsaw. though it might appear to be the dynamic in the overall architectural space, it doesn't appear to work for me, at least.
– unknown

what makes that particular line the weakest
in your opinion? should i perhaps omit 'blank-lei'?

: )
– fractalcore

it is the "blank-lei" that destroys the rhythm there, and acts as an over affectation, a wall instead of glass, in the architecture.
– unknown

ok, let me try excising that for the meantime
and wait till some other new idea pops up or
something.

thanks for taking the time, unk.
: )
– fractalcore



reposted for further comments.
thanks.

: )
 — fractalcore

Love the mix of phoneticism, avant garde and internet touches.
 — andyleggett

    Two for lunch but nothing alive, just the sulphur of your love... j.g. smiles
 — ambiguos

you got tons of comments. stop being greedy. unbump.
 — unknown

i guess you hit a touche with that one,
unk. i'm just moving stuff over from
another account and can't leave the
old comments behind.

i know your bumping this is not at all
intentional, hehe.

: )
 — fractalcore

andyleggett,
ambiguos,

thanks, guys.
: )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

Yeah I'm gonna echo this unknown,

"you got tons of comments. stop being greedy. unbump.
— unknown "

I mean I think a lot of your work is really good, but I'm less inclined to stop by if I see you doing stuff like this. It takes the limelight away from others. Sure we all do it occasionally, but ALL your poems in one day? Come on fract.
 — Ananke

ey, don't you just miss chuck?

with a particular prodding of his in mind, this is a
couple of months too late and a couple of poems
too short, too.

crazy crazy chuck.

i'd do far crazier stuff than this in real life and it --
along with the corresponding consequence -- is a
little off the g-spot really.

but don't worry, araenel, this kind of joke will be the
only happenstance you'll see here. so, come on, just
laugh it off, ok?

[do you like Chuck and Spot?]

; )
 — fractalcore

ooh, thanks for the boompfh, unk.
you got some weird fetish.
; )
 — fractalcore

Nice. Played with my language
 — psychofemale

thanks, psychofemale.

i think i miss this place,
and you, too.

: )
 — fractalcore

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