poetry critical

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Pittsburgh Singles Are Waiting For You

You try to think of
something singular
to mark yourself.
This makes it hard
To explain why you hid your scars.
You imagine her lowering,
lowering herself into the pool,
smile faint as the edge of a feather,
everyone trying not to cry
at the beauty, the glissando, tree-hushed,
the kids quietly tangled in
violin strings.
You try to write
a love letter
and end up with a map.
You are here: heart like
A sunk penny and no compass.
Here is the thousand-mile wish:
to hear her glisten,
your lesser miracle,
queen of the drowned fork.
You would meet her
toes beautified.

9 Jul 09

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you should write more like this.
this is beautiful literature.

smile faint as the edge of a feather...
utterly beatific...

plus other really nice bits of imagery.
i want more...
: )
 — fractalcore


I'm a novice at writing poetry-- I do more in the way of short fiction, and some longer work. I've always been intimidated by the brevity of space in a poem. As such, I'm kind of feeling my way around. :)
 — griffinxi

you think there's a brevity of space?

mmm, I think quite the opposite. Silence is often mistaken as nothingness.

Good write. Fellow Pittsburgher?
 — Salamander

"Silence is often mistaken as nothingness."

Nice quote.

It's a smaller venue with a better sound system, is all; I have less of a handle on manipulating the "silences."

I am about 60 miles north of Pittsburgh; have a few friends that live there. :)
 — griffinxi

you needn't worry about it, i think.
and i think you're better off a poet
than a prose writer.

forgot to fave this, hence my

pls do write on.
: )
 — fractalcore