poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Pittsburgh Singles Are Waiting For You
griffinxi

You try to think of
 1
something singular
 2
to mark yourself.
 3
This makes it hard
 4
To explain why you hid your scars.
 5
 
 
You imagine her lowering,
 6
lowering herself into the pool,
 7
smile faint as the edge of a feather,
 8
everyone trying not to cry
 9
at the beauty, the glissando, tree-hushed,
 10
the kids quietly tangled in
 11
violin strings.
 12
 
 
You try to write
 13
a love letter
 14
and end up with a map.
 15
You are here: heart like
 16
A sunk penny and no compass.
 17
 
 
Here is the thousand-mile wish:
 18
to hear her glisten,
 19
your lesser miracle,
 20
queen of the drowned fork.
 21
You would meet her
 22
toes beautified.
 23

9 Jul 09

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Comments:

wow.

you should write more like this.
this is beautiful literature.

smile faint as the edge of a feather...
utterly beatific...

plus other really nice bits of imagery.
i want more...
: )
 — fractalcore

Thanks!

I'm a novice at writing poetry-- I do more in the way of short fiction, and some longer work. I've always been intimidated by the brevity of space in a poem. As such, I'm kind of feeling my way around. :)
 — griffinxi

you think there's a brevity of space?

mmm, I think quite the opposite. Silence is often mistaken as nothingness.

Good write. Fellow Pittsburgher?
 — Salamander

"Silence is often mistaken as nothingness."

Nice quote.

It's a smaller venue with a better sound system, is all; I have less of a handle on manipulating the "silences."

I am about 60 miles north of Pittsburgh; have a few friends that live there. :)
 — griffinxi

you needn't worry about it, i think.
and i think you're better off a poet
than a prose writer.

forgot to fave this, hence my
reappearance.

pls do write on.
: )
 — fractalcore

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