poetry critical

online poetry workshop



My Dad
Ananke

When I was little, my dad
 1
came home late on summer nights
 2
sweaty and tired from work,
 3
and he'd wake me up to go look for shooting stars
 4
and lightning bugs.
 5
 
 
And I want to write more about it.
 6
I want to write about how I was never really asleep
 7
how I was awake in bed waiting
 8
listening for the crunching gravel,
 9
 
 
about the day he stopped and I never questioned,
 10
 
 
about the night he caught my boyfriend in the house,
 11
punched my jaw and called me a whore,
 12
and I stayed awake all night punching my own face
 13
so the bruise would be more horrid
 14
so people would ask
 15
and he would feel sorry,
 16
 
 
about the day he stopped talking to me altogether,
 17
 
 
I want to write about the way he thinks
 18
and his closed mind and why I will
 19
probably never understand him again,
 20
but I can't because it doesn't change the fact
 21
 
 
that when I was little, my dad
 22
would come home late on summer nights
 23
sweaty and tired from work,
 24
and wake me up to go look for shooting stars
 25
and lightning bugs.
 26

        written 4.26.03

12 Jul 09

Rated 9.8 (9) by 7 users.
Active (7): 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (26): 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(97 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

This was one of my favourites way back when. Why won't you keep it up?
 — unknown

Because it's not (entirely) a true story, and I had given my aunt the link to read my poetry here. I didn't want her thinking things that weren't true, and I know she'd never ask. I don't like posting things as unknown either.
 — Ananke

hmm...
i don't know why but me likes this.
; )
 — fractalcore

Very touchingly beautiful (entirely)
 — Redlander

this poem and oh mavoureen made me want to come back to poetry critical
 — noodleman

I had never read that one. I'm glad I just went and found it. And I'm glad you came back.
 — Ananke

Hey Sista! I got an e-mail that in season Six Cerberus will be developed as a character on the show. That should be interesting to our POVs concerning "Smokey"
 — Redlander

oooh, I wonder how they will do that? I hope he gets flashbacks :)
 — Ananke

beautifully sad.
 — Anachocolata

Deep and has that "scary" voice of "childhood."  I can relate minus the beatings, but the emotional bruises are still and will always be there.  L's 13 - 16 are very eerie and effective.  I guess I already gave this a ten then, so I can't give it another one now.  :-)
 — starr

I've left this at a 9 for too long, while it deserves a perfect 10.  Please warn me if you ever begin to delete this so I can print it from my favorites list.  
 — Isabelle5

oh lordy lordy i guess i'm stuck with this bugger
 — Ananke

It's because some of us understand it.  Parents can change and it's always shocking when they become someone you can't quite trust to love you.  I call it the Slap and Kiss parent.  
 — Isabelle5

Yes, it's written that way I just wish that people understood my other stuff in the same way. I've written stuff that's way better than this, but something that I wrote 6 years ago is still what people resonate with? Bothers me. Oh well. Come along my errant child you are still my poem.
 — Ananke

One of the Poet's techniques is in using the forms 'n rituals of contrast 'n duality, which can lift a poem off the page, as it does here -- the use of contrast to vivify a write is a tool in the trade of poetry -- how one can use duality scratched out in pleasure 'n pain to dramatically change the vibe again -- an imagism gem that makes us squint at the sharp light reflecting there -- squint squint blink-blink stare
 — AlchemiA

What I like about this, Ananke, is it's accesibility--people can relate to the melancholy aspects of the poem.  I love the way you dove-tailed the first and last stanza.  A very well written piece.
 — PaulS

very beautiful and honest
 — sese

You know why I think this resonates, Anake?  Because it's personal, you are not trying to make it for 'everyman,' you are writing your heart.  I think that when poetry is personal, for many readers, it creates a much stronger impact.
 — Isabelle5

dude...you are back?
 — onklcrispy

dude, i never left?
 — Ananke

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

dude. i was confused.
 — onklcrispy

It's ok. I think you meant noodles. And that's OK, I'm glad he's back too :)
 — Ananke

Good stuff. Glad it'snot all true. The truth is always bad enough though. In my experience.
 — crimsonkiss

I really like this a lot
 — psychofemale

Since I joined the site in July of 2003--this is still one of my absolute favorite poems. ~Henry 10/10
 — HenryII

Thank you Henry. Sometimes I think this might be the only poem I ever wrote :)
 — Ananke

Whoa....I thought I was the only one that happened to.  Wonderful poem.
 — elodious

i love this. i have never really known complete love  from any of my 3 fathers or 3 mothers. one though came close, but he also lacked what the rest did...patience.Amazing Grace.

i think they all would've been pretty proud of me now.

excuse me, i'm going to go cry,

ten. by the way. a Well Deserved Ten. i am making a link to my facebook.
 — Odin

on facebook, sorry
 — Odin

really beautiful.
 — ladydylan

i have always loved this.
 — noodleman

lovely poem
 — shallee

I thought i did a comment on this one before but i can do it again. A daughter and father relationship can be so precious like when he woke you up and you had your private moments together, no one can take them away from you, i see you had some rough times as well, for me, the feelings you give away are quite powerful and you feel your inocense as a child and growing up is never easy, not for the child or for the parent, it gave me a lot to think about, my own childhood, without a father, take care, hulda
 — Hulda

I admire so much the truthfulness of this poem. It epitomizes the reality of family: dysfunctional love. Maybe it really isn't even dysfunctional, since I think most people can relate to this poem a great deal. My father may have never punched me in the jaw, but god (or whoever) knows that I would have deserved it.
 — duffyj83

This is a powerfully emotional poem that nearly brought tears to my eyes.  Very well written.
 — mtharp

You have done us all a service.

I'm speechless.
 — professir

Don't u DARE take this poem down!  It's incredible!  I'll repost my "father poem if the system will let me do that.  It's called "Like Father, Like Son" and it screams a similar scream to this one but without the punch in jaw.  
:-)
 — starr

so lovely, Ananke, I'm glad I got to read this after my thread post.  absolutely memorable.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks for the semi-annual revival starr & jen :)

I'd love to take out the jaw punch but that's true, the only part that's not true is the boyfriend in the house, I forget why he actually punched me that day. The only time he ever laid a finger on me and he has apologized many times over in our later years.
 — Ananke

Nah, never take out the punch. I know it's hard to write truthfully about things when forgiveness has had it's share over the years, but it's gut wrenching and people relate to it, I did.

You're very poetic, I love your style. I will read more.
 — jenakajoffer

Yeah, Ananke- Leave the punch in there.  This poem sucked me in and the punch made me feel it even more!  LOVE it!  :-)
 — starr

wonderful.. the impact of repeating the first stanza in the end is amazing..
 — sss1977

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love this
 — sinead

this is really haunting and you wrote in such a simplistic way. Very beautiful.
 — 17love

U can do better.  become more attached to your senses.  feel thought, literately.
 — percocet

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

"good point, perco -- and, too, in your head, look at what images are forming in your head as you feel: they're not random, they are your feelings, in visual form"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"hen, simply say out those feelings with your genius: intuitively convert image to sound and then sound into wording"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"it's impossible, but it's exactly what poetry is about"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

"perhaps, but the method is to visualize what you're feeling and then find the one object in that image that you want to love"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"so, you're suddenly visualizing yourself in front of a house, and in front of the house is rose bush"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"you use your poetic intuition to turn on the scene and articulate your feelings into what actually you really need to say"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"and play the poem out with that symbol holding your feelings as though it was you, was all you feel, and write out from that suddenly rational point of view"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"the point is, to be strong enough in your writing skills to change the feeling of passive uncertainty into another kind of feeling"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"as though you were putting on some music for its soundtrack and letting the melody of poetry carry you through the crisis"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"this gets it away from prose accounts ( which, after all, are better as novels, where we can see what the author is reacting to and step through the relationship with the author."

what a load of shit
 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

create huge blocks of text no one will read if you like, bauer, still doesnt stop it being a load of shit.
 — unknown

"but for myself, here's an example: my mother catches me and my friend when i'm 16 and she goes and gets my brother's baseball bat and threatens us out of the house"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"find nature. that's what the people of my generation tried to find -- some kind of natural world, either in the world or in the head"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"my mother was ex-catholic, unmarried mother at 17 in the 1940's -- abandoned by her own family. but, that's her poem, not mine"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

"but what i'm saying is that to evoke something more than sympathy from the reader you have to let the reader either see all sides so they can make their own opinion"

this is utter bullshit coming from the master of the single idea argument. you've done nothing on this site for years but tell everyone what is poetry, when you have no idea yourself. that is exampled by your shitty poetry.

you don't like or want people to have their own opinions, you don't want people to get into arguments or discussions about language or their own human experience.

all you want is an audience to fawn over what you have to say. all the evidence is against you, bauer.
years of it. years of you insulting and degrading and belittling people, just so you can practice your wriitng and make yourself feel like you're the superior writer.

how shallow and pathetic your motives and reasons are.

you don't want creative energy forging ideas into art. you're death to art and poetry. you're death to idea and life.

go kill yourself, bauer.
 — unknown

"or be so strong and expressive in your poetry writing that the words bend the reader's DNA and makes a new kind of human out of what had just been a passive word consumer"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

Nice poem, great flow.
 — jogboz

This is a simple poem on purpose. It doesn't need more images or more back-story or more about the punch or anything like that. That would take away from the point, which is the 5 line bookends. No matter how much I didn't succeed with wordplay or poetic phrasings - this poem hits its mark. It's not perfect, but for this one, there's nothing that's going to change. It's almost 10 years old so it's part of the story of my poetry.
 — Ananke

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You're wrong. Please go bother another poem.
 — Ananke

"it doesn't do anything but narrate an experience using ordinary prose writing"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"you have to understand that there is something called poetry, just as there's something called 'gender'"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"either a wording invents grammar to express emotion or it clones grammar to express a need"

what a HUGE load of shit
 — unknown

"mature writers invent an identity of their own through their poetry"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

"this is a child's view of what the world owes them, not a gift for free of something beautiful. you want to much from the reader"

what a load of shit
 — unknown

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^ unread boring bauer shit
 — unknown

I can use poetry workshop for whatever I need it to be. Or haven't you realized by now that everyone here is not here to follow your blueprint.

You didn't read what I said very well. I didn't say I didn't use poetic phrasings. Just face it, this is a poem that you don't get. Just because it don't bebop jive down the street doesn't make it prose. The simplicity in this is the poem.

I never claimed it to be perfect. But as a start to my poetic journey it worked. It succeeded.  Stop telling me what the story is because you don't write it well and you can't. I can't believe I'm arguing with you over a 10 year old poem. Please go away now, I would really hate to delete this poem just because you made the little unk spam it up with their what a load of shit comments.
 — Ananke

you should know well enough by now, Ananke, that bauer will twist and distort what you have said into what he insists you actually said, or what he thinks you should have said.

he isn't a guide in language, he is a thief and parasite of others creative energy. stop wasting your time on him.
 — unknown

dont delete this poem because of the "what a load of shit" comments. delete it to be rid of the parasite bauers attempts to drain you of creative energy.

he has no right to be on this site anyway. the owner banned several of his accounts.
 — unknown

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lol
 — Ananke

i'm a father and a grandfather

^  Poor kids.  Are u up THEIR assholes like you're up everyone's HERE in an attempt to make them  "perfect" like YOU?  Maybe they're alREADY in therapy after all your relentless harping.  Poor syviaplastic!  BOO HOO HOOOOOOOO!!!
 — starr

Lay off Ananke or I'll put out another email 2 the mods and they'll destroy u again.  
 — starr

very good love luv
 — skinner

SO powerfully rendered and SO good!  Thanks!  
 — unknown

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