poetry critical

online poetry workshop

i wander why but not really

tons of
periphery walled
insight seated
on the outskirts
may have been
the swans
might have been
the nuance
old photo in helmet
dinner-dreams on mars

written july 10, 2009

for nisetru

now undergoing migration
from another account

     /   \
      : )

16 Jul 09

Rated 9 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9, 10
Inactive (3): 1, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(205 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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this is really good.  I like how absract concepts or actions like "periphery" or "insight" are treated like  concrete objects.  I just said "like" a lot.
Do you have more poetry on this site.
— SodaKid         &nbs p;[!]

there's a few
— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

; )
— fractalcore           [!]

— unknown         &nbs p;[!]

i said embolden!
; )
 — fractalcore

all these from that "other account" you commented on as fractalcore. a cheap cheat, even if you are a great poet.
 — unknown

utter crap, write?

i'm happy you can verbalize your thoughts about me,
dear unky. a cheap trick like bold letters would've
made that statement louder and clearer.

i'm really sorry i just had to write it this old post down
right away.
; )
 — fractalcore

no what I'm commenting on is you using ONE account to comment on a poem that you posted on ANOTHER account that's deceptive and cheating. did you rate yourself with that other account too?
 — unknown

worry naught again. i never rate my own posts.
it's all for bumps, dude.

now that's bold and gneiss.
; )
 — fractalcore

never fave them even;
i only lose whatever rating i had

so please point me to your newest
baby, ok?

; )
 — fractalcore

it's still cheating to write "hey I think this is great!" on your own poem, or any variation and pose as someone else.
 — unknown

i only thanked SodaKid
and then said "hmm..."

so where's the self-praise
in that?

: )
 — fractalcore

and do you notice how unknown posts
get a bit more honest crits than known

: )
 — fractalcore

i like when you write this way. this could be applicable from any perspective.

you also did this with the adjunctivist connection. keep doing that.
 — listen

hey fract.

ignore the unknown. i write comments to myself on my own poems. who cares what you do.

lines 8 through 15 are my favourite.
 — raskolniikov

high, listen.

eye all-ways listen too what ewe gut
two say end now eye listen too my
ears tell my eyes two read yore works
in awhile.

thank ewe for all-ways stopping

; )
 — fractalcore

hey, hey, hey, rask!

eye guess somebuddy dye don
duh crass a-gain two-day.

eye don't care what eye do most
of duh tie'em 'cause eye ignore
my-self most of duh tie'em.

eye like the lioness two but eye
like the lust two ones more.

thanks for duh surprise visit.
; )
 — fractalcore


 — noodleman


-scottie shoo
; )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

i forgot to say
this was for
by the

: )
 — fractalcore


: )
 — fractalcore

ignore the idiot bauer
best way
 — unknown

Always dig your poet tree...

    /  \
   /__ \
 — JKWeb

what if you were 'the idiot bauer', mr JKWebster sir?
would you have a xmas tree in the house for xmas?

just wondering 'what if' but not really, hehe.
; )
 — fractalcore

Bravo brave man!
 — mandolyn

now what's so brave about what exactly,
dear mandy?

; )
 — noose_die_ve


; )
 — fractalcore

He is brave to embrace the verbose!
Cheeky Monkey~
 — mandolyn


are you sure you're not the
weird one here?

; )
 — fractalcore

 — unknown

*dinner dreams on mars.

weird one?
(I was speaking to someone else, it's too confusing here, I know.)

But I must say Web gave the best crit.
 — mandolyn

hi, unk.

; )
 — fractalcore


i'd say he gave the weirdoest critreek.

; )
 — fractalcore

hi, softyetharsh.

thanks for faving.
; )
 — fractalcore

may i know what you like in this?
: )
 — fractalcore

he gave the pine-iest crit-creek.
 — mandolyn

hmm, yeah.
i guess you're right
when you're left

with the pines.

pinecone is a good poem,

: )
 — fractalcore

 — mandolyn

dunno how writer exactly meant in each line but description could be imaginatively overwhelming..superficially creative ;)
 — softyetharsh

..superficially creative when u want to grasp what is supposed to be for real...superficial (e.g., internet) is what makes it creative w/in your means..'dinner-dreams on mars'..
 — softyetharsh