|to a subject
everything in view is an object
& thoughts, sticky like honey
fade, as if warm water were
poured over them
but no man steps in the same river twice
& now i feel like a fly
stuck on the counter
watching the world wither
with eight million eyes
6 Aug 09
Rated 10 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (5): 1, 1, 9, 10, 10
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what about that "was" in l3?
i like it, but i don't like it
'were' would look better there
if ewe were two ask me.
eat seams some other one is
getting older with brighter
...wood luke better
two my ears, that ease...
thank you fractal
possibly, you could make up a new phrase to replace 5? it's using the left over water from washing the honey. it's just not poetry to do this, to drop in a clipping of some prose. then, to use 'stick', when the sticky's been washed away is very much in the decorative poetry mode, and i have to ask you if you intend this poem to work on the imagination or, instead, on nose?
5 is a heraclitus quote --
i'm (partly) trying to say that the world is created anew every moment, or it's always flowing
& one moment the honey of thoughts is washed away, and one moment they've caught me
but it's the same, eternal, withering & flowing moment.
but what do you mean by "nose"? a wine thing?
we know the story of heracletus, but we don't know what you know about it -- that's what phil classes get at: that an ordinary understanding of some quote from a philosopher means that an ordinary interpretation of what's being said becomes the rule, and, really, the motto over the bed -- but not a philosophic tool.
so, knowing that all things change, and that the momentary has no reality, since the river of being is constantly changed between our feet, how can this poem of slabs of ideas mean anything to us just by quoting heracletus?
that the river is still called a river, and seems to flow in the same place, is the problem -- but, for us, as poets, it's the solution, since the end of the poem is meant to connect to the beginning in a step by step way, where we are the water and the river is changing under us as we write: we invent the landscape of imagination, the horizon of the mind.
by 'nose' i meant a strict appeal to the senses -- writing about sensual things to cause the senses to luxuriate in them.
thank you for the clarification trash, & very helpful
except, now I don't know what to change
i'll let it ferment a little
i really like L5