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Salamander

everything in view is an object
 1
 
 
& thoughts, sticky like honey
 2
fade, as if warm water were
 3
poured over them
 4
 
 
but no man steps in the same river twice
 5
 
 
& now i feel like a fly
 6
stuck on the counter
 7
watching the world wither
 8
with eight million eyes
 9

6 Aug 09

Rated 10 (7.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (5): 1, 1, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

what about that "was" in l3?

i like it, but i don't like it
 — Salamander

'were' would look better there
if ewe were two ask me.

eat seams some other one is
getting older with brighter
eyesight.

; )
 — fractalcore

...wood luke better
two my ears, that ease...

; )
 — fractalcore

:-)

thank you fractal
 — Salamander

possibly, you could make up a new phrase to replace 5? it's using the left over water from washing the honey. it's just not poetry to do this, to drop in a clipping of some prose. then, to use 'stick', when the sticky's been washed away is very much in the decorative poetry mode, and i have to ask you if you intend this poem to work on the imagination or, instead, on nose?
 — trashpoodle

ignore poodle.
best way.
 — unknown

5 is a heraclitus quote --

i'm (partly) trying to say that the world is created anew every moment, or it's always flowing

& one moment  the honey of thoughts is washed away, and one moment they've caught me

but it's the same, eternal, withering & flowing moment.

but what do you mean by "nose"? a wine thing?
 — Salamander

we know the story of heracletus, but we don't know what you know about it -- that's what phil classes get at: that an ordinary understanding of some quote from a philosopher means that an ordinary interpretation of what's being said becomes the rule, and, really, the motto over the bed -- but not a philosophic tool.

so, knowing that all things change, and that the momentary has no reality, since the river of being is constantly changed between our feet, how can this poem of slabs of ideas mean anything to us just by quoting heracletus?

that the river is still called a river, and seems to flow in the same place, is the problem -- but, for us, as poets, it's the solution, since the end of the poem is meant to connect to the beginning in a step by step way, where we are the water and the river is changing under us as we write: we invent the landscape of imagination, the horizon of the mind.

by 'nose' i meant a strict appeal to the senses -- writing about sensual things to cause the senses to luxuriate in them.
 — trashpoodle

thank you for the clarification trash, & very helpful

except, now I don't know what to change

i'll let it ferment a little
 — Salamander

ignore poodle
best way
 — unknown

i really like L5
 — vida

thanks
 — Salamander

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