as I was reading, I began to wonder where this was going but it was good enough to keep my interest until the end and I like it-
nICE... — JKWeb
Very nice could be the lyrics to a John Lennon song. 10 — frugal
this poem is very good, i think because it is saying interesting things in a interesting way. like image flick, image. downwards we go down the rabbit-hole, into the hole that is your mouth and then projected backwards as flowers screw the sun with a tooth-pick. kudos. — DeformedLion
Wow, I'm surprised people actually like this. — Aziel
Amor vincit omnia - Love conquers all. (Virgil) -- so does this poement -- very visually visceREAL — AlchemiA
Wow! This is TIGHT! I like everything about it; the imagery, the word choices, the whole 9, so here's a 10. It's excellently written. My favorite lines are: 6-8 & 21. Work it! :-) — starr
I concur with starr--the imagery in this poem is fabulous, not to mention the line breaks. Aziel, you have such a unique voice. — PaulS
i like the pace of the poem and the images..really nice.. — brother_sun
'the present' ( yes, i know... but ) the present seems to be the physical hour-glass -- that's the most real reading, and therefore compelling, and that drops the poem in interest. like, if there were another word for 'that which is now' and it'd fit...? now, you might think that's very unpoetic of me, but, really, i'm looking for the poetry inside the ephemeral and not a story.
i can maybe see what you're doing in this, but maybe the individual images need to glow more on their own -- you're spacing them so they're back-lit and hyper-real, but they're still only talking about things as words, and not really showing texture and color.
i wrap around the hourglass,
and kiss its spinny-ing colors,
fly like time --
i don't care for what's
to come along, this is majesty.
--
which is clunky, but a suggestion of how the poem might look seen upside down? — trashpoodle
great great great — unknown
% — unknown
a magical write
:) — unknown
How dont how this works, but it does. — unknown
vomiting origami insects wrapped in expensive cloth — Empty
wonderfully magical — unknown
Prodigieux, magnifique — unknown
on the $. best thing ive come across in weeks. — unknown
(@}--}----- — unknown
Imagery was fantastic. What a great poem. Last line was my favorite. — dismantleme
This is difficult for me to read, I feel like its strongly metaphorical but hard to translate to the actual. You have good use of line breaks and there's some neat places for repeats, but at the end, I didn't exceptionally enjoy the read or relate to this.
I think 1-2 is your strongest bit, but 3-5 takes me back out and the rest is just sort of jumping around. — technomancer
The first two lines painted a pretty nice image.
The rest is not. and lol at the end. Maybe there is something I'm missing or maybe I need a dose of what you were on... — aliar
:) — unknown
just too great for another read or more. just for tonight this will help me sleep well. tnx :) — softyetharsh
I like the poem...the last line about the origami insects throws me off a little though. I consider the poem great until that line. I don't quite get the analogy unless you are saying that the origami is something that you fashion as you (the narrator) have fashioned yourself. Do I get it? — CaseyPowers