poetry critical

online poetry workshop



deformedlion inspired lobsta' BJ
DeformedLion

when i go down  
 1
(on myself)
 2
i go down forever,
 3
its like a delishhhh
 4
lobsta' dinna;
 5
succulent, juicy,
 6
and quite the
 7
endeavour.
 8
 
 
heaven heaves
 9
its way through
 10
the bosom of christ
 11
(our lord), the holey one
 12
whose holes number
 13
eleven and 1.
 14
 
 
but that is all crucifixional,
 15
because i know that
 16
his penis is lonely
 17
and that angels
 18
are cleanly cleanly cleanly!
 19
 
 
"deaflion,
 20
you are the finger
 21
and fing,
 22
 
 
your cock is as shrivelled
 23
as your brain, which is as
 24
small as it is large,
 25
you will never find
 26
love till you
 27
start making more money".
 28
 
 
--Jessie Spoke--
 29
that was his name, the first
 30
one you blew for
 31
scars. the one with the
 32
matchstick grin, and
 33
loose cheeks.
 34
 
 
he loved you, oh, yes
 35
he did. till you poured
 36
holy water in his eye
 37
then he smacked you,
 38
and you felt like the
 39
soul of your soul had
 40
all but decayed.  
 41
 
 
he left the next day,
 42
to chase the sun and
 43
drink pints in seedy
 44
bars.
 45
 
 
meanwhile:
 46
 
 
"depotline,
 47
your socks are wet.
 48
you sicko
 49
fuck!"
 50

13 Aug 09

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(372 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

awwww
 — DeformedLion

i find it strange. not what i was aiming for- not particularly...
 — DeformedLion

jeezus freakin kreist

eye lick eat

; )
 — fractalcore

i don't get this

i would like to have a name like deformed lion though

oh wait. who posted this?

well. anyway. you start off so well

and then

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


please

go down on yourself again
with a wider grin

keep 26-28

and do it again
 — unknown

you're too close to home, baby brother!

when i go down
(on myself)...hahaha!  i think that's funny as hell.  you dog.  you butt sniffer.
=-)
again, you go from reference to ref, and idea to idea and really all over the place with the cock and shrivel and all that.  you gotta have just a little class to be crass!   it's like you have to write it like you're reading in between the lions. ;)
and you didn't have me or my poem in mind either, i can tell,
and that just won't do.

sick fuck
would read much better, btw.
and bosom of christ is great.
 — jenakajoffer

it's also totally not fair that you inspired yourself to have a lobster blowjob
on yourself, it's like, what am i?? chopped liver???
wooo!  
 — jenakajoffer

0.583s