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leave somebody
sparrow

I guess its harder
 1
to gather the courage to leave somebody
 2
than to stay in something empty
 3
being the sandstone
 4
hollowed
 5
under
 6
erosion.
 7

13 Sep 09

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
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Inactive (2): 8, 9, 10

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Comments:

It is, approximately, as hard. Both are hard. From a poetic angle, I would try editing the first two lines, and considering lengthening the poem, to include some notion in how hard it is for the protagonist. What I am trying to say is this has the potential of taking a human experience, and feeling, and  making it resonant to the reader, but there needs to be more than a statement.
 — crimsonkiss

thanks for the comment crimsonkiss... you have a good point, I will work on it!
 — sparrow

You darling poet! It's so architectural and dreamy!
 — 2queer2fear

An understatement
 — frugal

Thank you so much for your comments!
Yes, I tried to make the shape of things match to the content;-)
 — sparrow

I like the image of erosion. I like the short directness of it, the way it narrows out, showing how you are worn down.
 — andyleggett

there must be fiftay ways to leave your lover . . ..

hop
on the . . . .spring board

:]

fined
 — unknown

another nugget
 — rivergood

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