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You are mine.
sanjaybhusal

Say me that you are mine
 1
in the sink of the deepness
 2
and in the flood of love.
 3
whatever comes in my hurt filled  heart
 4
I care  it seeing your photo
 5
 
 
I make you on the Canvas
 6
But I have no face of yours.
 7
Worth of my feelings
 8
worth of my emotions
 9
lie under the flat you live.
 10
 
 
Sometimes, see me there
 11
and i will sing for you.
 12
I know poetry is madness you say.
 13
I will be mad for you.
 14
And I can.
 15
 
 
But how long I need to stare
 16
on your beautiful lips
 17
to see you-saying that you are mine.
 18
And blessed by your love
 19
and rinse my hurts.
 20

7 Oct 09

Rated 7 (8) by 4 users.
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Comments:

Sink and love, hurted heart, plung it, worth of, to see saying, and rinse my hurts. These are all original because no one who writes good poetry would say them, they are not gramatical and also in poor taste.

7th line but is not capitalized.

Title "Say me" is not gramatical.

I would guess English is your second language, if not you need to do some homework.
 — unknown

Unknown you are most incorrect.

Rinse my hurts is perfectly fine, grammatically speaking.

I love the first four lines.
 — Ananke

Some things don't translate well, apparently.  Keep working at English, it's not as easy as some other languages.
 — Isabelle5

"plunge", unless you meant "plug"?

i think this is fine -- it's clipping the language to make it poetry, but logic itself is always a clipping of 'what doesn't fit' and is also a part of consciousness.

this is grammatical just because it's poetry -- the grammar of this is "say me that you are mine' grammar. anyone who says it isn't has to show that grammar comes from the mind and not from habit and customary ways of speaking and reading. that one should also be ashamed to talk about poetry as though it were an article in a newspaper.

this isn't real or great poetry, but it shows what poetry is made of and how much of what we call poetry involves understanding a new way of saying.
 — trashpoodle

by the way, 'say me' is perfectly good case-system grammar, and it was fine for the elizabethans to write it so, and fine, us, to write it that way as well. : )
 — trashpoodle

ignore poodle
best way
 — unknown

This is obviously either a bad translation of a poem from another language or it's written by someone who isn't conversant completely in English yet.  There are many mistakes throughout.  It could be a work in progress, something the poet can change over time as they learn more about how English is put together.  
 — Isabelle5

well, what are we to do with noobs then, people who aren't coordinated with words? and, this one has grammar, for any educated person to find, and it's not random -- the words work as dative and accusative forms and are understandable to anyone familiar with english poetry.

that it's probably a hoax isn't the issue -- it's that it's done consistently.
 — trashpoodle

Ananke,

Grammatically speaking - lol - don't be absurd. If you like the first 4 lines then you have no excuse because English is your first language.
 — unknown

that's very true --it's like the case of people knowing how to read text-messaging or even a mathematical formula: it's grammatical close to the parent language and the language function in us Lives to understand what's being said.
 — trashpoodle

thanks unknown !
I HOPE MORE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM FROM U!
 — sanjaybhusal

Dear sanjybhusal: am so very pleased to have come across a poem of yours for the very first time. I find it to be truly fantastic. So unpretentious and truly truly warm. This goes beyond cliche. This turns all cliche on its head, spinning. All political correctness goes flying out the window on a magic turban from the very moment you utter the words: you are mine/say me that you are mine. It is amazing what can be done with so few and so simple a word. I bow down to you. Bravo. Encore. I love you. Say me you write more poems?
 — unknown

Ananke,

Grammatically speaking - lol - don't be absurd. If you like the first 4 lines then you have no excuse because English is your first language.
— unknown  

The first 4 lines are not grammatically correct, no, but did I say they were? I enjoy poems which create a new grammar and force you to see words out of their normal context.

So, shove it.
 — Ananke

I can relate to this....good job with your pen
 — psychofemale

*rinse my hurts
LOVE that line.
L1, not sure about.
But I do love this.
:)
 — mandolyn

I loved it.  Reminds of the madness of love.  I would change deepness to depths, for sure.  rinse my hurts is beyond beautiful.  well done.
 — jenakajoffer

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