suffocate pure virgin
beneath the skirt
free the anguish
cut the cut
feel the felt
you're dying to get off
to come undone
and fuck yourself
20 Oct 09
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WOW. That was pretty powerful. Where is this coming from? Not sure I could describe feelings like this. Made me read it a number of times, which is rare for me. I don't really have a critique b/c my response is so surprising. I'll let it marinate and return to comment again. Thanks for the piece!
really love the way this looks on paper
sounds like someone trapped in the sty of listening to the high pressure echo of their own words hoping for something barbarically barometric but instead getting the generically jilted.
Thanks Greg and unknown for your insightful comments on this piece. I guess someone was offended. Sorry.
Ah bad enough we suffer the petite morte, and even worse at our own hands. I like.
this is complicated, but after awhile you maybe come to realize that the pleasure thing and the sex-reproduction thing coincide but nothing more: that the one has little or nothing to do with the other. and, just as a string of cum on your chest is simply an isolated and beautiful thing, so the pleasure complexity of mind exists as a thread through the universe, one among many, and is a part of our totality -- a daffodil has a pleasure consciousness too, and maybe gets off on being a pollinator or being pollinated -- i do not know. but, i do know that cumming is really fun and a real blessing in life, just as falling in love with someone and cumming with them is also so much fun.
but, brain cumming is also real, and part of the complexity, and writing a wording into a pattern which gets-off the reader's brain is simply outrageously good for someone like me. you've got the right idea, i think, and i think once you get your technique down you won't be thinking of yourself doing it -- writing the poem -- and it'll come freer from your poetry being.
I wish that if you had to discuss this or write a poem about it, you'd at least have made it erotic. It sounds like a guy hiding in the men's room at Pearson Park in Anaheim! Maybe it's a guy thing.
Thank you everyone for your interesting and insightful comments.
wow. I really can't say anything else. I love the way we feel this through the chunked little phrases and how each word is vital. wow
Thank you Ilena for the wows and for making it a favorite.
you shouldn't have watched 'world's
greatest dad' without your mom's
supervision, but this works for me
for some reason.
protect yourself at all times, though,
and focus your energy on the right spot,
like on the proverbial 'so... are you ready
to ignore that little head of yours down
under?' riff -- if you could help it, that is,
and if you're not thinking about brain cum
as that slime dripping down your runny
nose... the head is then better exhausted
from that kind of task than its easy counter-
well, that head is not that easy to ignore, if
you ask me. doesn't it make a very good
reason to stay alive? life is beautiful in spite
and despite of, yaknow...
and, by the way, this reminds me of that
summer when i wore a skirt in lit class out
of boredom -- not of lit class but all the stuff
beyond that classroom. my teacher liked my
crazy gesture and she really was cute, too.
she handled the lesson well and i wasn't this
kind of suicidal then so i'm still alive now.
anyway, keep writing, unk.
thanks for a nice read.
This poem was really breathtaking -- after reading it I had to sit back and think about how accurate it is. Best sexual poem I've ever read.
Thank you Fractalcore for your thoughts and making this a favorite.
Thank you too Ishtar for reading this and for the nice compliment.
Thank you very much Michelle343 for your very brief and kind comment.
"I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."
H. D. Thoreau.... was there more to Hank and his Shank than we really knew ? j.g. smiles
Thank you Goeszon for reading and for your funny comment.
a mix of pain and pleasure - satisfaction that's not really satisfying
Thanks a bunch Unknown. I'm pleased that you found this to have the Whoahhh factor.
...Oh, and thanks Michelle343 for making it a favorite.
I think this is brilliant - much better than my critique of it - and the writing is good, good, good. I'll just say thanks, because it's great to read, and shakes my mental tree.
Thank you CervusWright for reading and making it a favorite.
I'm pretty certain that my so-called "incoherent followers" can spell suicide. Of course, you're free to disregard any poems that you don't care for. Thanks for taking the time to read anyway.
this is my second time reading this and it still soo AMAZING
Thank you Unknown for coming back for a 2nd read.
This is very... interesting
Thank you Unknown for reading. I'm glad you found this interesting.
Thank you IsabellaSwan for making this a favorite.
very good, you. I like the ordered chaos on the page - and the cutting end, all pleasing.
for taking the time
to read and comment...
thanks for diggin' this
from the recent archives...
glad you think it's kool
I bet the author is so ashamed of the utter badness of this poem he decided to submit is anonymously.
glad you like it!
psychofemale and mandolyn-
I get the feeling that this is one of those writes that folks are gonna' love or hate. I take it you two are the latter. Thanks for reading anywhoo...
you are a cool cookie mr web.
Huh. Okay, Maestrobation Web, if you're really gonna do this:
why not "suffocation's a pure virgin" - i think that's more intuitive and more ugly.
and quit the poem at L14. you're done at L14, unless, of course, you feel the urge to cuddle.
i sure hope you washed your hands before you posted.
Well! This certainly encapsulates the "need"--well done! Raw and evocative. I agree with nic though, on ending at L14.
sometimes itis better.
thank you too Nic and syba. will give 14 on some more thought.
thanks ghost for making an appearance. appreciate it. :)