when i’m tired
to my Nth
written minutes ago
for my 'knees, et cetera',
in the biting cold.
23 Oct 09
Rated 10 (7.4) by 2 users.
Inactive (19): 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 4, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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I like the super short lines
and the lines breaks...
works well with the content-
yeah -- hey fract' you're not homeless eh? biting cold 'n stabbing winds take their toll of the body -- I've looked into the deep solace of a cold-alone death just for the warm comfort there -- nicely writ
really love this one.
And the Grinch, with his Grinch knees ice cold in the snow,stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? it came without ribbons.
It came without tags, It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he had not before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
Dr. Seuss j.g. smiles
And the grinch forgot something... j.g. smiles
This is the first that I've been introduced to your poetry, so please forgive my lack of familiarity with your style. I was really glad that I found this one because it is written in a fashion that I can understand better than some of your others. I see this as my inexperience/ignorance with your style though.
I really connected with the emotion in this poem. The short choppy lines were a bit distracting, but I'll read it a few more times to see if maybe I can deduce that it was intentional for effect.
l1 I'd l2 I'm. Shouldn't it read: "i sit, when i'm tired" in order for the tense to agree? The rest...unless you were to rework the short lines, I wouldn't change a thing. Very heartfelt.
Love this poem. Thanks.
i love how it flows, the images of the heart and the leaves turning to ashes and smoke rising to the sky
lovely self portrait and autumn and love poem too
funny cute dedication, 'for my knees in the biting cold'
hey nice poem fract!
why are your knees cold? hope you're ok
and warmer now.
don't worry, i'm cool but not that cold.
sorry for the very late reply.
it's all figurative -- i thought you'd figger
that out. [reminds me of that comma i
forgot to affix after cetera in the footnote.]
thank you so much for reading this and
hope you're all fine as well.
my dearest nisetru,
it's just so hard to be away from you, is all.
the dedication is funny only because i forgot
that tiny lil comma after cetera.
how can you call your name funny?
it's the most beautiful name there is.
H KNUD XNT.
oops, quotes are what i need after all,
not a comma.
eye shooed wake up from dis coma.
well, ok, i still need that comma after the closing
LOVE the worrds dude. BUT, the last lines are great.
This is pretty delicious.
thank you for reading.
thank you, too, for your time
ah, two 1's in a row here and there.
and you dared? that's really so chivalric of you,
high knight of the ebonic regions.
don't sweat it on the excaliboor, though.
your hands are better off in your armpits.
you make your own karma, fractalcore. you joined in bauer's little hate game. this is the reply. enjoy your moment.
to take someone whom everyone knows to be the sweetest person on poetry critical as your enemy takes balls, and i'd thought you were a woman lesbian. that's progress for you.
hate game? when did i say i hated you, unk?
when i 10-fave a poem/verse, i'm really 10-faving
that poem/verse regardless of whatever inspired
unless you're not the same unk who gifted me with
the only gifts he can offer this place, get your act
together and gimme all the 1's you got.
i promise you i will never hate you.
awe, aye'em jest A-king four duh other fore once from hour
drrrrrrrunk friend -- oops, i mean, deer unk friend.
you get what you pay for fractalcore. in spades.
what -- so this is what i get for every bauer piece
i fave from now on?
why don't you show me your work so i can be fair
don't tell me you're jharrison too scared to expose
herself 'cause i ain't buying that shit. and, you seem
to know a lot of things about karma, too -- is that
and, i will take all the other four 1's unwrapped, ok?
now's your chance to show the world how selfless you
time for you to reap the whirlwind.
give it all you got, dear unk.
maximize it -- you don't get a chance to be
your self that often. consider it as my gift to
you in return.
do you feel any better?
i decline to accept. does that make you feel better?
aww, don't go chicken on me, but, seriously,
i don't mean you or anyone any harm at all.
as they say, life's too short to be the proverbial
foolish folks that we are -- you don't have to grow
old[er] to realize that.
you are free to do whatever you want, though.
no one's stopping you.
i think they know that if it meant you'd have an easier life here, i'd bail in a second. i can't believe that they'd really be so cheaply bought off though.
you chose the banner under which you march, fractalcore. you are no different drummer.
let's see if you get the reference.
you did it once when you were still 'joey' and
foresaw that any favorable comment you'd
leave on works of poets you like would amount
to smearing their works with 1's. you had to
leave the site for awhile so things could simmer
they make it appear as if it were a numbers
game -- and, it's not. how many times did you
have to change names on here? how many
times did you run to the rescue of countless
that's why you can't tell me that alc and i are
the most selfless people PC has ever known.
'who's tough-loving whom?' so to speak.
i never enrolled under your tutelage, mike. i
am not your student nor protege, but i've
learned so much from you.
still, i'm sorry to drag you into this, because i know you simply don't want to write comments in this paralegal way they define themselves. and, yes, that's the thing: you've got more talent than they have -- 20 people here have more talent than they, than mong. it's not like they're ever going to be happy until they destroy the site. making noise in the back seat so that mom reaches back and slaps all of us. this one would get off on us being slapped, even if she got slapped too. maybe she's bent that way.
it's totally fine, mike.
i might've slightly lost my composure there for a second,
but, hey, i don't really care what they do or what they're
capable of. i just mean them no harm.
stay for art's sake. you're one of the people who make it
worth my time here.
erm, two 1's missing here.
who stole them?
humm, almost a year old now. how would you write this today?
i wouldn't change a thing in this.
but maybe would just write another piece
with a different flavor.
yes, after you write a poem it's not really yours anymore. it's like having a kid, once it's outside you: it's your responsibility, but the kid's not 'you' anymore.
yes, but strangely, i'm still in touch with the reality in this.
i can't and won't change anything because this is/was what
i exactly felt.
what you felt was probably way more complex than this, but what you wrote is what you wanted to see yourself reading.
you're probably right. well, you're exactly right.
it seems that even a decent and legit poem is still a
failed attempt at doing the consciousness justice...
which brings me back to the your notion of
consciousness which you say is not eternal and
rather is a boxed thing. how's that possible? how
can a part of an eternal macrocosm be any different?