poetry critical

online poetry workshop



It's enough...
skipper

It’s enough…
 1
 
 
dawn squeezes a fresh lemon
 2
over the horizon
 3
and the mast cracks,
 4
spinnakers fling their half-moons
 5
back to the wind. Again,
 6
the ocean spits
 7
sweat salt residue
 8
from its muscular heart.
 9
 
 
O for a stable keel,
 10
unflappable ballast,
 11
white-lipped indigo waves
 12
to kiss the horizon with light.
 13
 
 
Where a swan may sculpt
 14
your eyebrows into the midnight sun,
 15
capture your colors as they trace
 16
through the Stockholm Archipelago
 17
to collect in bright-sailed sloops
 18
and thread your smile through the islands.
 19
 
 
I watch you as we navigate
 20
beyond Uppland – there are no stars,
 21
a groundswell slowly swallows my reflection.
 22
You’ve become a current in the blue I drift on.
 23
You’ve taught me to float like flotsam.
 24
Is this the color of light?
 25
 
 
An attraction without torment
 26
seduces dolphins to dive too deep,
 27
whales beach to reach gold in the dunes.
 28
I want to feed on migratory seabirds,
 29
drink the sweat beads between your breasts.
 30
 
 
To drown beneath these waves
 31
and leave behind their colors,
 32
to find new light
 33
in some tsunami
 34
with you.
 35

29 Oct 09

Rated 9.5 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (2): 9, 10

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(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

this is beautiful. i absolutely love the images painted in this and the words behind it are incredible as well. thank you for a gift even at this late hour.
 — silentspring

I love this very well written
 — vida

This has the most vivid and delicious opening lines - I love the image of lemon squeezes! Then cracks and salt (ouch) and the ocean beating its endless life line - really brilliant. I was carried away throughout the poem and was with you (right up until the end) but then I have to admit, I was sent adrift and in the end left in the duldrums. The ending, for me, just didn't do justice to the build up throughout the rest of this piece. I'm still favoring it though as it really has the best opening stanza I've read here in a long time.
 — Cocoa

yes. indeed.
Skipper. this is a beautiful piece. scintillating. and of course tit-
illating. lol. can i venture? should i dare?
your poem is breathtaking. beautiful. i said that. as are you (beautiful!). i do believe
i love your poem. as i love you

:)

Funes (unamuno? unamundo? tsunami with you dude. yes? yes)
 — unknown

gneiss.
; )
 — fractalcore

Great poem,
beautiful writing-
though you might want to omit line 1
as we already know the title...
otherwise, bravo
 — JKWeb

YES!  Creative, compelling story, the idea remains true throughout.  Romantic without being nauseatingly sweet.  LOVE the morning light as a lemon squeeze, that is refreshingly new and exciting as a description of sun rise.
 — Isabelle5

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