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Stone Roses
JKWeb

I swore I'd get in your head

and I remember the last time we kissed-
 1
your lips peeled off
 2
and crawled like twin slugs
 3
 
 
I followed their black path to apathy
 4
 
 
and Death poured drinks
 5
as everyone seemed
 6
to celebrate
 7
one less human on Earth
 8
 
 
but it was me
 9
in that God-forsaken box
 10
 
 
now I stare at nothing-
 11
I still have soot on my temple
 12
and all of eternity to think
 13
 
 
of the day you'll stand like an Amazon queen
 14
how I'll be your child, slither from your womb
 15
and wait for you to die
 16
 
 
I'll watch your flesh fall off,
 17
climb your ribcage to your skull
 18
and slide inside-
 19
 
 
but for now,
 20
I'll think of how
 21
with twin slugs-
 22
 
 
those stone roses
 23
were smashed to ashes
 24
and smeared with blood
 25

30 Oct 09

Rated 10 (8.6) by 5 users.
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Comments:

the title caught my eye because of the has-been band, the stone roses, (whom i adored for a very long time, and still listen to now and again), BUT the poem is not about the stone roses, or ian brown...

but it's pretty cool.  like snakes and ladders, and a bit of violence.
i would do this:  "climb your ribcage to your skull" it's direct and you don't need to say as much.  just my opinion.

nice poem jk, smashing pumpkins,
happy hallow's
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

and oh how i hate slugs.  but funny to remember, aurelius said slugs in his poem a long time ago, and was all "ew, i hate slugs!", and of course he meant 'bullets' and i had no idea, so thanks to him, i can interpret this better. ;) though both kinda work.
 — jenakajoffer

hello jen-
I've heard of the band, Stone Roses
but haven't heard any of their songs...yet--
I somewhat like your suggestion but
I like the ladder and the slide inside words...very much
and am not sure if I want to part with them at this time...
but I do appreciate you reading and commenting-
thank you
 — JKWeb

"If we are forced, at every hour, to watch or listen to horrible events, this constant stream of ghastly impressions will deprive even the most delicate among us of all respect for humanity."   Marcus Tullius Cicero     j.g. smiles
well this quote rags on your piece , yours is well written though and deserves its rating... I am still afraid of the dark...
 — goeszon

ha ha! this caught my eye for the same reason it caught jen's. i was disappointed it was not about them but still enjoyed the words you have written.
 — raskolniikov

goesZEN-
thank you for taking the time to read and comment..
that quote is why I rarely watch the news--
thanks again
 — JKWeb

rask-
thanks for reading and commenting..
like I told jen, I'll have to check 'em out--
my original title was Blood Stoked Stone Roses
and I'm still considering changing back...hmmm
 — JKWeb

I think of cemetary stones, when i read your title. Is that what you intended?
JK/ you have a certain "Je ne sais pas quoi".I'll watch your flesh fall off,  
use your ribcage like a ladder  
      and slide inside your skull-  
reminds me of another poet i know.
 — Liliana

thank fuck this isnt about the band The Stone Roses, as they were absolutely shit.
 — unknown

keep the title Please?

Lili~
 — unknown

Liliana-
hey thanks for reading and commenting...
your thoughts on cemetary stones is a good analogy
but the roses also symbolize love gone bad so either way...
and if I remind you of rask, I'll take that as a compliment
as I like his work...
 — JKWeb

unknown-
thanks for stopping by
 — JKWeb

Interesting introduction like a man falling for something he shouldn't

Nice poem JKWeb
 — unknown

thank you unknown-
you're right...he obviously fell for a woman
that wasn't right for him and that made him bonkers--
I appreciate you reading and commenting..
 — JKWeb

beat beat beat,,, still lovin' this.
 — unknown

thank you very much
unknown
for re-visiting...
I appreciate it
 — JKWeb

Lili~
thanks for making this a fave
 — JKWeb

nice.
: )
 — fractalcore

fractal-
hey, thanks for reading..
greatly appreciated
 — JKWeb

jen-
utilized your suggestion...
better?

thanks
 — JKWeb

This does give me a little shiver - in a stalker / obsessive kind of way. I like the irony of how you do finally end up in her head...L5-8 captured nicely. I like the way you've tweaked L17-19. I do think it's stronger. Nice write.
 — Cocoa

Cocoa-
thanks for reading and commenting-
I was thinking along the lines of a love/hate relationship...
I've never been in a relationship like that but I've seen couples
that seem to despise each other yet  for some reason stay together...
anyway, thanks again
 — JKWeb

love / hate as in 'way too close or keep your distance' sort of thing? I didn't really pick up on that context. But that's ok - I miss alot.  
 — Cocoa

Cocoa-
thanks for re-visiting
 — JKWeb

yes, i think that reads very cool, JK.  thanks for allowing my thoughts, i only hope i'm not coming across as a mouthpiece, and that you make certain changes only because they resonate with you.  =-)
 — jenakajoffer

jen-
I appreciate your suggestions always...
your suggestion line was/is good---
I wanted to keep 'slide inside'
and didn't realize at first that I could
but I did and it worked out nicely...
so, thanks again
 — JKWeb

thank you michelle343
for adding this to your faves
 — JKWeb

I missed this -- a layered piece that hits hard with its metaphorical range of leering shivering energy blows, using the spaces between, lips, ears and each other ... nicely writ JK
 — AlchemiA

AlchemiA-
thanks for reading and commenting..
always appreciate your insight---

Namaste
 — JKWeb

I've read this so many times and can't comment yet.  It gets me and then what I'm feeling disappears before I can grasp at it.  
 — Isabelle5

Brutal...a truly commendable effort in destruction. I can't say I've ever quite felt this way, although I've been close.

The misanthropic rage that spawns from love...lovely.
 — ashtray

Isabelle5-
thanks for multiple reads..
I'm glad you found something in it that made you come back
whether positive or not...
 — JKWeb

ashtray-
thanks for reading..
of course, love can be beautiful
but at the same time destructive...
 — JKWeb

Jk, your imagination just blows me away and your unique writing style  is exceptionl.  From my point of view, your work is top notch.  A question:  Have you published any of your work?  If not I think you ought make an atempt to do so.
 — PaulS

thanks PaulS-
that's quite a compliment..
I think you should be in print too--
especially "Gray Wolf" and "Backyard Aria"
thanks again
 — JKWeb

love so passionate it destroys us

you write the destruction very well, Jk :)
 — jharrison

jharrison-
thanks for reading
and kind words...
greatly appreciate it
 — JKWeb

Yes.
 — SarahMichele

SarahMichele-
thanks for reading
and for the very brief
but cool comment...
 — JKWeb

do you like the band, Stone Roses?
 — aforbing

aforbing-like I told jen (she was a fan of theirs)
I've heard of them,
but haven't heard any of their songs..
thanks for reading
 — JKWeb

too much
 — unknown

unknown-
thanks for reading
 — JKWeb

i wish this were in french -- the words say the right thing, but the tone seems pretentious -- like you were trying to write sophisticated. better yet, if it were in french and written in 1937 -- like, i could find it in an anthology and see how french writers were trying to sound like D.H. Lawrence.
 — bmikebauer

bmikebauer-
thanks for reading and commenting..
 — JKWeb

do you have any idea what i'm talking about, or is poetry something out of pop music and culture? it's an old thing, poetry, and the most honest way of communicating in words -- you have to say the truth or the pattern falls into 'opinion' and gossip... where you just say things to sound smart, and don't really say them as a gift to the reader. probably, the most regretful thing about most of the writers in p.c. is that they're not generous to their readers or to themselves as receptors of what's being written. it's mostly just tricks and laziness and trying to get away with whatever you can type on the page that looks like a poem. they seem to keep the level down in the crits, too, where everything's good because you said it and how you said it is good because *you said it at all. that's chatter and sharing, but it's not what kept poetry alive for thousands of years.
 — bmikebauer

i like this-very good work-
 — fire

thanks fire-
I appreciate it..
 — JKWeb

W O W. Talent, you do have.
 — mandolyn

mandolyn-
thanks for reading...
glad you like
 — JKWeb

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