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Lady is an Abstract Word
PaleHorse

Beyond the horizon of your torso
 1
lays my thesis of ensuing proportions;
 2
I have researched you well.
 3
 
 
Nay, your form is not poetic;
 4
for a poem is not required
 5
to cite the source of the work,
 6
 
 
it, laden with plagiarized experiences,
 7
hackneyed phases and muted pictures
 8
of lovers gone and long before.
 9
 
 
To publish you thusly
 10
would be so cliché, and so
 11
I rev(f)erence you more.
 12
 
 
Conversely too, the works of your body
 13
can not also be culled
 14
into the anthologies of time.
 15
 
 
for when you are aflame with me
 16
the fires of Alexandria
 17
are but match on our skin.
 18
 
 
Yet when I assay you, looking
 19
for proofs, you defy my proposals
 20
opinions and briefs.
 21
 
 
Yes my lady, I have researched you well,
 22
and my thesis lays beyond
 23
the abstract horizon of your torso.
 24

16 Nov 09

Rated 10 (8.6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 10
Inactive (16): 1, 1, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

Love "the abstract horizon of your torso"-wonderful line.
Creative write, interesting slant.
L14 is awkward, you could remove "also"?
L18--maybe "a" before match?
Overall, a unique tribute, I like your poem.
 — sybarite

Thank you sybarite...very much appreciated. You're always keen on how intricate the language is and I always consider your suggestions carefully.

'Match' (or quick match) in the pyrotechnic world is loosely wrapped brownpaperbag and gunpowder in the form of a long cord (if you will)...it's the impetus of a fuse for aerial shells, when they aren't air launched. It's wicked fast...like 100fps. It's instantaneous.

I know, an obscure reference....maybe 'a' is appropriate.

Again, thank you for always complimenting.
 — PaleHorse

please take away 'nay' and then this will be well on it's way.

sarah michele
 — unknown

Thanks for explaining the "match" reference.  Obscure maybe, but fitting in this piece and I learned something new!  I've returned to this write several times and find more to appreciate with each read.  
 — sybarite

If not 'nay' then what Sarah? I totally feel you, but I need ~ or think I need a place holder for that short line.

And sybarite..how grand that this is growing on you. It grows on me too...however twisted and growdie that sounds. Yeah, I used "growdie". What of it? :)
 — PaleHorse

Must say I haven't heard that word used since high school--gave me a chuckle--thanks.
And yes...this piece grows on me each time I read it.  It's really very lovely--lucky girl that you wrote it for.
 — sybarite

Such a women....doesn't exist.

BWAHAHAHA.
 — unknown

If she does exist, I haven't found her.
 — PaleHorse

'Lady' is an Abstract Word



last stanza does it
 — Salamander

PaleHorse:  'no' instead of nay :)
 — SarahMichele

beautiful... i love the possibilites.

'please consider 'lies' L2  
and if not for 23, then possibly 'lay' (as my thesis lay).
perhaps 'a match' L18?

nice poem, ponyboy =-)
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you Jen. Lay vs. Lie. The paradox of a women, LOL.

I lament the loss of many of your works.
 — PaleHorse

PaleHorse:  This is exquisite, love it.
 — PaulS

That is a very gracious comment paul. Coming from a poet I respect, Thank You -deeply.
 — PaleHorse

ah, such a paradox ;)
(i'm sorry about your lamenting, just thought it was time).
 — jenakajoffer

A paradox indeed...
 — PaleHorse

This is exquisite. And I don't use that word often.
"the horizon of your torso" -- love that.
Horse that is pale, you are a wonderful poet. :)
 — mandolyn

This is fun to read, I like the way you are using the 'body' of work here.  

Do you need 'too' in line 13?  Conversely seems to say opposite so 'too' seems extraneous.  Very romantic overall, verging on the old fashion kind of lovely love poems.  Nice job.
 — Isabelle5

2 exquisites...wow. Thank you mandolyn for seeking this out.

An excellent eye as always Isabelle...'Conversely, too'.... Grammaticlly I agree, though I must confess I didn't catch it myself. But the more I think about it...I think that 'too' and the paradox it creates against 'conversely' sort of sums up the work.

No matter how hard you study her, and have her all figured out...she does the complete opposite...just cause she can.
 — PaleHorse

pretty nice, although the eloquence outweighs the sentiment, a tad.
 — manuka

i'm sure it's my torso u are refering to...Oh isabella, how i have longed for your wisdom, half a letter of your writing!...just a glimps of your underw...nevermind.hello my love, i've come back from hell!my ears are still singing and that's of my own screaming!and now with all my heart and soul i'm trying to walk the narrow road to Elysium,Heaven...to enlightment!how are those thighs??
 — Odin

oh shhhh this is humiliating, i thought it was one of isabella poems, ignore comment. sorry, jammer! she had this on her favourites and she has so much poetry i takes u half an hour to scroll through it and that's without reading.

good poetry by the way!
 — Odin

the abstract torso of her horizon.
quite intriguing the writer's write
the lady? she is pale as well?
 — unknown

pale, yes,
but fat, my dear, NO!
 — unknown

thank you manuka, I never was able to actually touch the torso, so I can see why the sentiment isn't as weighty as the wit.

Odin...chuckle. My thighs are good.  simply the best comment here, to be honest.

Unk1 pale yes
unk2 you're correct too.

If she were vertical, she'd be a pole. :)~
 — PaleHorse

What did I miss?
 — PaleHorse

l2: lays ought to be lies (l23 as well)

l3 is seductive.
I enjoyed the play in l12
l14: cannot is one word, I believe.

this brings to mind the torched library of Alexandria.

This poem reminds me of a gentrified cartier (district). It is usually the underpinnings that snag attention.

You wear formal attire well.
 — lysandre

Nice to see this back.  :)
 — sybarite

I agree - change nay to no. Wonderful tone and word economy. Well done.
 — Josephseth11

I think Nay should stay, I like the flow it sets.
 — Kitteh

But that's just my opinion.
 — Kitteh

I liked this a lot. It has such a feel about it, that the writer is talking about something as erotic and passionate as woman, and yet, the language is so scholarly and crisp. The juxtaposition is so...intriguing. I find myself thinking that the narrator wants to understand woman more than anything. An erotic fancy, to him, is a text-book summary. A glossary of definitions.

Because of this, I felt that lines 16-18, while perfectly fitting within the framework of the metaphor, are not really consistent with the intentions of the narrator. I'm not really convinced that they have a passion so hot that alexandria is but a match.(though it is a nice image.)

Very, very enjoyable. :D
 — Cerfazo

Lovely!
 — parasolgirl

Well-said from the well-read.  KUDOS! ~forbster
 — aforbing

loved it, great imagery for sure...
 — smitaanand

I love this, though something about the repetition at the end causes it to fall flat for me.
 — peace

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