poetry critical

online poetry workshop

---------{trapped} in Cyber hell

                   my keyboard
                   my board of keys
                   I type away unable to leave-
                   from mind, to digits
                   computer screen,
                   cApS aNd LoWeRs
                   I change with ease.
                   though lost amongst
                   the data trails
                   with blistered fingers
                   and bloody nails.
      F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12
                    insert         home
                    p                      p
                    u                      g
                    e                      d
                    g                      o
                    a                      w
                    p                      n
                    num             lock
                    prt scrn       pause
                    sys rq         break

15 Dec 09

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (8): 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(173 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

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slightly modified
 — JKWeb

few more edits
 — JKWeb

This is a brave poem. The format is very progressive, (maybe too progressive) but the content itself is dulled by its sharp, incoherent  corners. This would I think make for an excellent phychological thriller. I like the idea, but as I poem it does not work very well. The first part is fine, but once you get into the actual terror of your position it begins to lose its fundamental grip on poetry.
 — NadCloutier

this is actually pretty cool, JKWebster sir.

nice text and the overall visual keeps true
to the poem -- last 3 lines are very apt.

very original and clever -- i think you've
outwritten yourself with this.

; )
 — fractalcore

thanks for reading and your
detailed crit...hopefully I can come up with some more ideas to make it more poetic while keeping the concrete feel---
I appreciate it
 — JKWeb

thanks for checking this one out...
I enjoy creating these types of poems
and glad that you seemed to enjoy reading--

 — JKWeb

this was written exactly as it should be, JKWebster.

eats pur-fact as it ease, sew don't tweak eat know more
ore ewe ain't never gonna fined yore weight inn-two
duh poo-wet-tree floor.

; )
 — fractalcore

thanks for
yore write-
no more
 — JKWeb

WOAH! Cool poem, layout and concept.

I see your poem sort of describing society's addiction to computers- from entertainment purposes to almost relying on it for everyday tasks.

Good poem, I really like it.
 — unknown

You always have really good formatting. However the actual writing of this poem kind of falls short. Lines 2-12 is flat and too familiar. However just because of the "keyboard" set-up (L14-L32), I actually like this. :)
 — laura352

Lol sorry but "is" should be "are" in my comment. I hate silly mistakes like that. ^.^
 — laura352

thanks for reading
and cool comments :)
 — JKWeb

thanks for having a look...
glad you like lines 14-32
 — JKWeb

there is something about your way of writing that makes me not want to like you, but it happens anyway.

fucking congrats.
 — sedx

sir? siringe. seringe. or? sir?
cum sized sky scraper.

paper paper


very very

nice thanks!! yah
 — unknown

thanks for reading and liking
 — JKWeb

thank you very much...

 — JKWeb

nice. makes me laugh in a good way. the last three lines are the best. i think because of the rhyme between break and escape. worked well. and, because of the message involved with the last three lines.
 — listen

thanks and welcome back!
 — JKWeb

Very cool. :-)
 — BxPR

it reminds me of the film; tron
 — billy423uk

hee hee!
 — mandolyn




Thank you all for reading and comments.
 — JKWeb

i like the poem and the structure.  i actually believe you are trapped in cyber hell ;-)
 — Tandisol

Thanks for checking out my stuff.  Glad you seem to like it.
 — JKWeb

Very visually entertaining. Loved the progressiveness of it. Thoroughly enjoyed lines 17-19 and 30-32. The only part i do not like is where you say "my board of keys." Very innovative work as a whole.
 — muherrera

  please close your tags, open tags affect the whole site
 — keats

(in your title)
 — keats

Does that apply to the message board as well keats?
 — unknown

thanks muherrera.  glad you like it overall.
 — JKWeb

gotchya' keats.  I wonder if in 2.0 will one be able to use italics...hmmm
 — JKWeb

 — unknown

love it
 — unknown

thanks unknown for having a look and the two-word plaudit.
 — JKWeb