poetry critical

online poetry workshop

moon girl

there's this girl
she's in my class
i stare at her for the first hour
then only snatch glimpses of her the second
i don't want her to see me stare
she's the kind of girl that
catches your attention, mesmerizes
by her appearance, her walk, her bearing
it's a shallow infatuation
like watching the reflection of the moon
in a puddle

17 Dec 09

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (4): 4, 8, 8, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(21 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Very nice in its simplicity...
 — aforbing

Very nice analogy that brings forth good imagery. We are all drawn to people or objects of infatuation and wonder and it's a great feeling, but like the reflection of the moon in the water, something we can never possess..
 — JohnW

 — unknown

i think you should take a photograph of the image that mesmerizes you, and that moment when you 'click' put what you see into words then into this poem.

they're a little wordy but the last three lines could be a very elegant wrapper on what is presently a common introduction.
 — unknown

The last three lines are wonderful. You don't want the description of the girl to be too specific since the narrator only has a puddle worth of depth, but you could use more interesting description in the second stanza especially.
 — unknown

Lines 10-11 great simile!!
 — mandolyn

one day in band camp...
 — unknown

lines 10 and 11 exquisite
 — Rossant