Always wanted to see (once more,
for the first time)
the Place where this River
once met the Ocean.
When a slippery wet kiss
A tongue on a cheek)
Jump to before:
suspense on a dead spindle.
A stale bird lands on new waters.
Jump to then:
a finale with a pledge.
These waves will break you.
17 Dec 09
Rated 9.5 (9.2) by 4 users.
Active (4): 7, 10
Inactive (14): 2, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(7 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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I like this.
I feel like there's more to this poem, another part of the story that hasn't been shown here.
alibis are water tight
Not bad at all, I wish it would have more fleshing out of the story! Maybe its just me though!
It isn't just you; I think we all feel that way. But it's a great poem nonetheless.
Nice poem. I like how you bounce to and fro in lines 9-14. You could probably do without your footnote though. :)
Did so, JKWeb. Thanks for the input ^_^
This is certainly a great poem. Everybody can take lessons from you.
Thank you, "unknown". Though, it would be nicer if you wouldn't post as unknown...=/
Anyhow, thanks for the comment. It was very nice :)
Bravo! Awesome! :-)
Thank ya, starr =D
Great last line.
And if these dont break you,
the other ones will.
Take care Laura 17.
XD My poem is on the Top Rated list. Maybe this is juvenile but it kind of makes me ecstatic ^_^
Thanks for all the comments, Empty. :) They mean a lot.
nice dreamy aquatic ride... did I read you're only 17? You're way ahead of the game. Keep reading and writing... you're very talented.
Awh, thank you jpmhawk! That's a really nice thing for you to say.
And yeah you read correctly XD
lines nine and twelve are references to invisible monsters
Give me envy.
Give me malice.
Give me your attention.
It isn't too often that you find one so young that writes like a wise old sage.
Haha PaulS I am a clumsy form of a girl. Not wise.
But it's nice to think that you see wisdom in my writing.
Thanks for the comment it was really nice.
Interesting write, surreal enough to take it out of the overly personal. Good form and use of language.
Nice Invisible Monsters reference :)
I'm not a huge fan of this just out of personal taste, but I see how it can work for others. Keep it up
"surreal enough to take it out of the overly personal" exactly what I was going for, jharrison.
Thanks for the comment, aurelius.
I love the last line- I always look forward to great endings...not great as in it must "feel good" but great as in it completes the poem.
This is excellent~
Thanks for the positive feedback, mandolyn! ^_^
I, too, enjoy a great ending.
Pretty good. I believed at first that it would play into more of the literal concept of water and bodies of water however I like the move into comparing a kiss to delta.
Don't think that the period in eight is necessary. Wow. I'm getting rusty if that's the best suggestion I can come up with.
Haha thanks for the suggestion, Callisto. I went with your advice.
yo, laura, you're in high school. me too! i'm a senior. lol
I'm a Senior also. I turn 18 Friday, actually! XD *excitement*
^ haha, very very nice. i turned 17 not too long ago. i think i will refrain from asking you the question that every senior in america wants to ask another senior. ;)
Haha yeah do because I don't wanna talk about THAT situation =/
its good- but seems to want to keep the reader at a distance. almost detrimentally so.
^ That seems to be a habit of mine.
sorry i'm late for class.
i've always been a retarded tardy bloke in school.
this is good like recess.
Thanks for the look and comment fractalcore.
I'm a HUGE fan of yours XD